Mouse Mingle and Valentine's Day

Holly here:

For those of you who don’t know, Heather and I recently took a trip to California. This was an important trip for me.

It was important because it solidified what I think I’ve probably known for years: Heather is my soulmate. 

Here’s the deal. Of course Heather and I fight. There are times we want to kill each other. Once, when I was a sophomore in high school, we even got into a physical fight. (It ended with me pinned to the ground and Heather inches from my face saying “What are you going to do now?! I HATED her in that moment.)

But the other side of that is the fact that Heather knows my crazy. She gets it. She sees it coming and she talks me through it. There have been times when I’ve called Heather crying so hard that I wasn’t even making words. She can figure out what is wrong and she can give advice. Sometimes I disagree with that advice but I am always grateful for it.

There are also times when Heather and I don’t need words to communicate. I’m sure you also have friends or family members with whom you share this bond but I can read the looks on Heather’s face as if she was writing a novel on her forehead. Historically, this has worked out well for me as it minimized the times I wound up pinned to the floor, but it also comes in handy when we’re in group settings and need back-up from one another. In addition to sensing emotions, Heather and I also recently discovered that we can cook an entire meal (bacon, eggs, English muffins, fruit, and coffee), set the table, and sit down to eat without even speaking to one another.

This all seems like ample advice to support my claim that Heather is my soulmate but our trip to Disneyland was really what sealed the deal. It’s no secret that Disney was, and will always be, a special part of my identity. Heather and I didn’t grow up going to the parks and both Heather and I only actually visited a park after I started working there. This is worth noting because every single bit of VIP information I received, I wound up excitedly passing to Heather. The end result is that Heather has essentially become a cast member by default. She knows where cast member entrance and exit points are, she knows where the best seats are for all the shows, she knows how to interact with all the characters and she knows which rides require a fast pass and which rides merit a “walk-on” commitment. 

Our Disney bond has never been more evident however, than when we recently visited Disneyland. Disneyland is not my home and therefore, I was going in as blindly as Heather. Sure, we had done some “mom blog” research and had already downloaded the Disneyland app but we were both walking into that magical land on unfamiliar ground. Heather and I were accustomed to well-rehearsed systems at Disney World (i.e., we walk in, Heather goes straight for cinnamon rolls and breakfast, I go straight for fast passes) but at Disneyland, we weren’t quite sure what our game plan should be. Let there be no confusion. We had a game plan. We went through it multiple times in the car on the way up….this one just wasn’t tried and true.

Our plans quickly got off to a rocky start due to the non-existence of fast passes for the Matterhorn Bobsleds. Sure, the app said they didn’t have them and this was ultimately a rookie mistake but all the same, our plan backfired first thing in the morning. The truly magical thing about all this is that I was getting breakfast for us all when Heather discovered we would not be cutting any lines for the bobsleds. Rather than call to ask what she should do or simply return empty handed, Heather went to get fast passes for Hyperspace Mountain….and then, miracle of miracles, when she looked at the time to see when we could get our next fast passes, Heather noticed that there was only a ten minute gap. So she took off to other side of the park to get fast passes for Big Thunder Mountain. When Heather returned, she discussed what had happened and suggested we walk to the bobsleds so we could wait in line while we were finishing our breakfast and then head to our first fast pass time. I stared at her in complete awe and wonder. Her actions were, in every detail, exactly what I would have done. 

Waiting in line for those Matterhorn Bobsleds!

So here’s the thing, I regularly think about how great it would be to someday take my kids to Disney. Sometimes I even get sad that I’m no longer able to make magic for any kids I know and I would love nothing more than to experience all my favorite things with a three-year-old. Where this story is going to take an unexpected turn is that I usually don’t think about taking my husband and 2.5 children. I think about taking my sister and 2.5 children. I truly doubt that any future husband would be able to anticipate my Disney expectations at the rate and caliber at which Heather does!

All that said, when Mouse Mingle became a thing, six of you reached out to me. Six of you. (and two people reached out to Heather to forward on to Holly....)

In case you missed it, Mouse Mingle is a dating site for Disney lovers. Given that I fall into that category, I absolutely understand why this seemed to make sense. Heck, I was even excited when I started reading about it!

And then I joined the site…and the excitement faded with the realization that cast members excluded, I think it takes an…ahem…interesting type of man to join a Disney dating site. To kill the magic for a moment, there are some straight up weird guys on there. Weird guys posing with pictures of my friends and no smiles and it makes me wonder why dating sites don’t offer background checks. Yes. Let’s do that. I want a background check for every one of them!

I’m sure there are some nice guys on here, so please don’t take this as applicable to all of them…but there are certainly a fair amount of “winks” that have made me feel like I should maybe call the police. 

In a nutshell, I’ve decided that it’s okay if my husband doesn’t love Disney as much as me. I fully expect him to know the favorite characters of any movie our children like and I want him to take me to see fireworks on a regular basis…but if he doesn’t download the app, feel compelled to take pictures alone with princesses, or know when the Indiana Jones show starts, we will still be jjjjjjjuuuuuuuuuusssssttttt fine.

Heck, if the magic is just too much for him, he can always just leave me and our kids with my sister.

So I’d like to wish a very happy Valentine’s to my soulmate, Disney and otherwise. Happy Valentine’s day,  kid!

A note from Heather:

Few will understand the magnitude of Holly's compliment when she says I make her proud with my Disney-techniques. She's hard core with Disney and she considers most people to be dead-weight on her Disney excursions. We've now made enough trips together that we run like a well-oiled machine.....a thrill-ride-and-cartoon-character-seeking machine.

Valentine's Day brings out the best and the worst in people. I guess holidays in general do, but especially Valentine's Day. There's a lot of pressure and some people pull out the stops for their loved ones.  I really do experience happiness for some of my friends who get awesome Valentine's surprises! However, there's also a lot of pressure as a single person....There's the unsaid awkward moments when your coworkers receive flowers or discuss their Valentine's plans and you purposefully don't contribute to the conversation because you don't want to come across as bitter or make them uncomfortable. There's the knock on your door when you think for a split second "Maybe just MAYBE someone sent me something!" (which turned out to only be my neighbor warning me that my car was about to get towed). Then, a worker at Trader Joe's gives you a single rose and you think "It's THAT obvious that I'm single? It's THAT apparent?". There are the multiple engagements on Facebook......and the "memories" on Facebook that take you back to this day in previous years and remind you of the Valentine's Days where you weren't alone.

But you know what? There's also moments where I remember that I am ROCKING life and I'm doing it alone. I have amazing friends, empowering independence, and truly feel like I make a difference every day. The independence I have now is something that a lot of women never experience, and I think it's pretty magical.

I know some of my friends pity me and think I should be taking their dating advice. They believe if they took the driver's seat in my dating life, then they could cure me of the debilitating disease of single-ness (*eye roll*). However, I'm no longer agreeing with their view on my relationship status. Being single isn't worth less than being married. It's a different life, but my unconventional circumstances aren't worth less than the circumstances in a traditional family. My life and my contributions are powerful and valuable, and the experiences I've gained as a single woman are incredible. I'm not considering my life now to be a season of waiting for marriage. I'm not waiting to start my life with The One; I already started my life and it's awesome.

I guess it seems like I'm writing to myself here, but I'm also writing this as an encouragement to others. Your relationship status isn't something to be cured or fixed, because you, darling, are a marvelous creature who is totally owning the single-hood life. You're like a freaking unicorn, my fellow-single-Valentines, and I hope you all enjoy it!

Hugs and frogs,
Holly and Heather

The Guilt Tripper and The Resurgent

Heather here.

The Guilt Tripper sounds like the name of a new Will Ferrell movie…The Resurgent sounds like a Nicholas Cage movie. I just googled both of those to see if they were already movie titles and thus, unable to be used as nicknames here. They’re not! How about that…...I’m writing this to get Holly off my back (I bet her $10 that I would write something by tonight….) and because I recognize we’ve been quiet.

I should start off by saying the Guilt Tripper isn’t being called that because he purposely tried to make me feel guilty, but, it happened nonetheless. Let me explain.

I met the Guilt Tripper on Match.com. He was nice, a die-hard KU fan, and persistent. We had plans to meet for dinner on a Sunday (coincidentally the same day I planned to have brunch with another guy……scandalous, I know…). However, I got REALLY sick that Saturday night and had to cancel plans with both dates. I hated cancelling, but the chances of me keeping food down were minimal-and any chance of making a decent first impression was zonked. (Zonked: adj, exhausted; tired out). He tried to reschedule for the following weekend, but I was already booked with some dog stuff. I’m not sure if he bought my excuse, but, it was legit. So, we rescheduled for the FOLLOWING weekend for 2 pm at a coffee/brunch spot. I then had a conversation with my roommate about how weird it was to meet at 2 pm (Am I supposed to eat lunch? Not eat lunch? Coffee? Snack? What would a normal person do at 2pm meeting someone for the first time?)

The day of the confusing 2 pm date, I lounged around until it was time to hop in the shower. I checked my texts to confirm where we were meeting AND THEN OMG YOU GUYS I REALIZED I WAS ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO BE THERE AT 1 P.M. BUT IT WAS 12:40 WHEN I LOOKED AT MY PHONE AND I HADN’T WASHED MY HAIR IN TWO DAYS OMG AND THE PANIC THAT TOOK OVER MY BODY MADE IT ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO EVEN TEXT THE GUY AND I SCREAMED AND RAN UPSTAIRS AND YELLED AT MY ROOMMATE ABOUT HOW STUPID I AM AND THEN SCREAMED AND SHOWERED AND DIED.

………………..I fumbled through an apologetic text about how I was going to be..ahem…an hour late.

So, at this point..I had cancelled on this guy two weeks before, had an excuse about why I couldn’t meet the following weekend, and now I’m texting him 15 minutes before I’m supposed to be there to say that I’m running an hour late.

Just call me Considerate Connie, y’all. Or Kind Kylie. Or Selfless Sally.

(You all know I’m kidding, right?)

Anyway. So Guilt Tripper agrees to meet at 2pm instead of 1 pm. I got there around 1:50 (I didn’t really think those 10 minutes would redeem my actions, but it didn’t hurt to try..).

YOU GUYS. THE DATE WAS AWFUL AND TERRIBLE.

We fumbled through the most tense, cringe-worthy, and awkward conversation I’ve probably ever had. I was incredibly apologetic (and he wasn’t super kind about it…which I get…but still..), and then  he made a semi-racist comment that I couldn’t overlook. (Is semi-racist a thing? Actually..probably not..Let me rephrase that..) He made a racist comment that I couldn’t overlook.

And then the date ended, and I got in my car. I felt guilty that I had been such a flake leading up to meeting him, but then I felt guilty for feeling guilty because this guy WAS NO GEM. I called my friend and relived the horror of these happenings. I proceeded about my day sure that I would never hear from him again, because there was NO way he could think a) that I was a decent person and b)that the date had gone well.

And then he texted that night. And the next weekend. UGH. And then I felt guilty as I reminded myself how much of a flake I had been…and was being.. but. At the end of the day, the Guilt Tripper was probably the worst date I’ve been on....Yuck.

The Resurgent is actually a previously blogged character who had..well..re-emerged into the picture. Since I already rambled about The Guilt Tripper for so long, I’ll keep this brief. The Resurgent came back into the picture, but isn’t in the picture now. He’s a rare bird (I know I’m a pot calling a kettle black on this guys, I knowwwwwwwww) and admitted that when we went out before, he had actually met another girl (who he described as a "crazy girl") around the same time and decided to continue seeing her, rather than me. He attributed this to his history of being attracted to adventure/excitement. When it didn’t work out with crazy girl and The Resurgent, he contacted me again. It’s humbling to have a guy tell you to your face that he picked a different girl over you, but it’s odd when he’s telling you in the context of almost asking for a do-over. We did see each other an additional handful of times after his resurgence.

However, for a myriad of reasons that are too lengthy for me to delve into, I decided The Resurgent and I weren’t going to hack it. And that’s the end of that. The Resurgent knows about this blog and has read it before, so, there's a good chance he'll read this, which is another reason I'm being vague.

A note from Holly:

I just want to provide a little more context to this situation as I feel that Heather was too kind. Especially regarding The Resurgent....because here's the deal...the Resurgent is a jerk. No one can disagree with me because I still have screenshots of text message exchanges between him and my baby sis and my opinion is unwavering. 

And now, Hinge taglines:

 Well done, Ben D. I see your mad Fresh Prince skills.

 

Soooo....is now a good time to tell Brad that I actually can't swim? Is skinny drowning a thing?

BRENDAN! I need someone to explain Obamacare to me too!!!

This is weird to me. It's weird, right?

 Bahahaha!

 Damien, sugar, if you're asking for IT help in your tagline, I'm going to have to rule you out as my fix-it man... 

 WHAT?! I can't even process what you're trying to say here, Jared.

 Mike. You're my man. I get you.

 Look Mitchell, history tells me that I've got a pretty bad gaydar but this seems concerning to me.

 It's funny because you must in order for you to show up on Hinge. Well played, Pat D.

Paul, I'm obviously not a pro at this whole dating thing. However, I do know one thing with absolute certainty: If you have to tell me that you're an alpha male, you're doing it wrong! Seriously! If you're an alpha male, you don't need to tell people...sorta like telling people that you're the life of the party. If you are, everyone at the party knows it and they don't need you to announce it. Also, you saying that you "work best with sweet, easy going girls" basically translates to me thinking you've got a promising future as a wife beater. Paul K. was an easy left swipe.

Hugs and Frogs,

Heather and Holly

Alllllllllll aboard!

A note from Holly:

Well, life has gotten the better of Heather and I and while we've been having plenty of adventures, we've been pretty silent on the dating blog front. Part of that is intentional, part of that is quite simply a reflection of the lack of organization in my life.

I know that during our last post I left you all with a little bit of a cliff hanger: I had a date. Truth be told, I had three...with the same boy...To most of you, this will seem like nothing. However, this broke a six year dry spell for me so it's a pretty big milestone as far as I'm concerned.

Before I dive into the details of said date(s), you should know that the first one got off to a rocky start. I had a really weird day going into it. Like, really weird. I won't go into details now (I'll save them for a rainy day blog post entitled "A first-hand look at sexism in the workplace" and "How to respond to Uber drivers who say you look like sunshine and keep texting you after you get out of the car." They'll be swell posts.)

Now I want to give the caveat that this is not an average Tuesday for me. However, it rattled me and going into my date, I walked in with a HUGE chip on my shoulder...

So, the boy...let's call him J.D. (this seems appropriate as he is currently in law school) initially messaged me on Christian Mingle. We exchanged messages for about a week before he asked me to coffee. It then took us another week to find a time to meet so we actually wound up messaging one another for about two weeks prior to meeting. We messaged about a lot of things...about God and previous relationships and our mutual love of coffee but really, I think this may have made me go into the first date at an awkward place. I felt like I knew quite a bit about a boy I'd never really met and that's just a weird feeling. We went to coffee at one of my favorite coffee places, Ebenezers Coffeehouse, and my Uber driver actually drove me around the block first so I could get a look at him. Unnecessary? Sure. Would I do it again? Absolutely.

My text to Heth mid-date. (Don't judge me.
I'm really self-conscious about my nose
and want my kids to get a different one.)

I obviously won't provide a play by play but J.D. seemed legit. So legit, that I'm not sure if I began to intentionally self sabotage to test him or to try to remove him from my list of prospects quickly. Either way, I came at him guns-a-blazing. Over the span of the evening (we were there for three hours) I told him I a) hated Christian Mingle and thought I had a stalker (see photo evidence below); b) that I didn't really want a boyfriend and that I was only dating because I had committed to blogging about frogs with my sister as a distraction so that when I adopted a Chinese baby to raise it by myself, which is what I really wanted to do, nobody could tell me I hadn't tried to get married; and c) that I hadn't been on a date in six years. He countered each of these seemingly unphased. He listened to my story about the church stalker and provided advice (he actually sent a screenshot of big nose glasses the following day and suggested I try that out), he told me he thought it was cool that I wanted to adopt and talked about members of his family who have adopted, and when I said this was my first date in six years, he just calmly asked why I hadn't been interested in dating before.

Listen boy, I'm throwing all my crazy at you. Run. Scream. Go the bathroom and never come back. Have your best friend call you and act like there's an emergency. Cry. Do something other than offer to drive me home so I wouldn't have to take the metro or pay for an Uber...but that's what he did. And then he asked if we could have dinner the following week.

Color me shocked.

So, we had our second date the following week. He picked me up at my house, opened the car door, made reservations at a place his friends had recommend, and then we walked around Old Town Alexandria. He was wonderful and offered to let me shop if I wanted (he said he wouldn't mind) but we just did some window shopping where he shared that he wants his house to someday consist of Restoration Hardware furniture and he supports my love of stationary. It was lovely. He dropped me off, we both said we had a great time, and he said I should let him know if I wanted to get together again.

Things got weird after this. I won't bore you by writing it all out but essentially, the communication we had been having consistently, took a weird turn. I began to over analyze everything because I'm a girl, and as discussed above, a seemingly crazy one, so friends and co-workers got involved and the whole thing got to be a muddled mess. Since he didn't set up the next date, I thought he wanted me to make the next move, but then I thought that was forward and then friends thought that it was and that it wasn't and ultimately we got a third date on the calendar but I felt really anxious about it. So anxious in fact that I texted him the night before and asked if he WANTED to go on the date. He said "Of course!" I said I just wanted him to know that if he didn't want to, that was totally fine and we didn't have to go. He insisted that he wanted to go and so, the next night, we went to Hill Country Barbeque (with all the confusion and dissecting of every single word he said and input from girls and guys and couples and singles and everyone and their dog, we had all concluded that I was supposed to plan this one, hence, the trip to Hill Country). However, the whole thing was weird. I asked him if he thought there was anything I should know about him that I didn't, as I was prepared to offer up a few things, like the fact that I don't drink, but he said he didn't know of anything and he kept apologizing for not having anything to talk about....so....I panicked. I panicked and I told him that I knew his last name because I had googled him and then I asked him what his views were on gay marriage.

Sigh. Oh, people. Ugh.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I then proceeded to ask him MULTIPLE questions about his ex-girlfriend on our way home.

It was like being the conductor of a crashing train.

We came back to my house, he walked me to door, we both said we had a great time, and we never spoke again.

Sigh again.

I know I've shared in previous posts that I don't think I want this. I'm also no longer comfortable with the idea of wasting my time. I think both of these sentiments factored in to my behavior and ultimately the lack of success between J.D. and I. However, while some of my conversations may seem horrific, I stand by the fact that the core of these conversations stem from things that are important to me so I'm not entirely sorry that they came up. Additionally, J.D. and I didn't seem to have much physical chemistry...and despite any crazy talk, I'm still going to need him to want to hold my hand.

Overall, the whole thing made me feel even less put together than when I was 16...and people, my dating choices at 16 were a hot mess. However, J.D. was perfect on paper and in action. He opened doors, he made decisions (none of this "where do you want to eat, at what time do you want to eat, are you sure want to eat there, are you positive that time works for you, do you want to drive, run, walk, metro, Uber, or race there" kind of nonsense), he wasn't pushy or insincere and I have no doubt that J.D. will be a wonderful match for someone. I wish him all the best out there.

To finalize my little update, here are the deets on that stalker:

He sent this first message after I had ignored MULTIPLE messages, chat attempts, and "smiles" from this guy. I had looked at his profile and for a number of reasons decided I wasn't interested but anthony77k here felt it necessary to not lose faith in talking to me. This infuriated me; it still does really. I have the right to decide not to talk to you. Harassing me by sending multiple messages across multiple channels does not increase the likelihood of me responding to one or that you will suddenly grow in favor with me. In fact, quite the opposite will happen as I interpret this kind of behavior as being chauvinistic, inconsiderate and desperate. I find none of those qualities to be desirable.

I actually sent this screen shot to Heather and we had a conversation discussing just how creepy and pushy this message was. However, things took a turn for the worse when I got this next message that next Sunday.

This one creeped me out so much more than I can express because it means that while I was in the middle of worshiping he was either logging into Christian Mingle to look at my pictures to see if it was me, he had already looked my pictures enough times to recognize me on the spot OR he had actually discovered where I lived and had followed me to church.

After I got this, I briefly considered going to another church, or at least another service. However, I'm not a pushover and I truly welcome any opportunity to personally tell this individual, who I would not recognize on the spot, exactly how alarming and offensive I find his actions to be. Should he not respond well to that, I have zero problems in calling the po-po, yo!

I never responded to this message and I blocked him.

Ten kinds of creepy.

A note from Heather:

Hi, folks. I commend Holly for a) putting herself out there and b) describing herself as the conductor of a crashing train. I'm going to stop you all from thinking to yourselves about how cringe-worthy those interactions with J.D. and how Holly must be clueless and helpless. She isn't clueless; she knows it was cringe-worthy. Back off.

I should also address that the response I got from the last post was part awesome and part not awesome. It was cathartic and relieving, but also a level of vulnerability I don't intend to make it a habit of dabbling in. I'm surprised by how many people who I thought were close to me that expressed shock about those feelings of mine. I've taken it as a testament to my "closed-book" personality, rather than reading more into it.

I've had a few dates here and there, which we can save for another post. At the moment though, I'm still single and only committed to the partially-eaten brownie sitting in front of me.

Hugs and frogs,
Holly & Heather