The gentlemen across the pond.

In case you missed it, I recently took a little trip across the pond to check out Europe for the first time. I met up with my college suite mate which was nothing short of magical and all in all, I've decided I'm moving to Paris...I mean, I suppose I've got to get a job, some money, an apartment, and Boston needs to learn to speak French but it all seems totes manageable to me.

Given that I have this little blog with my sister, I decided to continue my Bumbling adventures while abroad (Happn didn't seem to be a thing over there) and it was quite the interesting experience. First of all, I've decided that I can identify a European man and an American man from the very first picture. You may be thinking this is impossible but Amanda can vouch for me! She also possesses this superpower. I'm not sure how we use this to join the Avengers but I'm going to work on it.

Aside from some RIDICULOUSLY attractive men, another tell-tale indicator was the type of tagline or "about me" info section they provided. Whereas American men discuss their favorite sports team, or sometimes provide a series of cities in which they've lived or even just a line of emojis to express their interests, the European men seemed to be MUCH more upfront. Like, CRYSTAL CLEAR. They had no problem writing out that they were only interesting in smoking weed 4-5 times a week, and in going out every night. If that was different than your life-style, they encouraged you to swipe left. Similarly, some gentlemen were open about just coming out of a serious relationship and that they were not looking for something serious, although they did expect you to have your life together and not be a crazy party girl....

These were just abbreviated version of some of the taglines I saw but my gosh! I appreciated them! Truly! Do you know how much easier my life is when you tell me exactly what you're looking for? Because here's the deal folks, I know what I'm looking for so I'm ready to swipe left or right if you'll give me that information. The problem with 95% of the dating profiles I see is that I am not given that information. I am then forced to over-analyze every single picture he's posted until I feel like I've been given an "accurate" picture of who he really must be...Guys...help me help you. What are you looking for?

Alright, moving on to the time that we came out of St. Chapelle Chapel and I met the man I'm going to marry. Probably. So, only two times in my life, well, three times now, has a boy ever made me truly speechless. We can revisit the first two at another time and date but y'all, I came out of the chapel, turned right to go back through security, and thought I was going to pass out because of how beautiful this boy was. In my mind, we made eye contact, I smiled, he smiled, and he now thinks about me as the one that got away. In reality, I made eye contact for all of one second, my ears got hot, I forgot my own name, ran into the turnstile, and flung myself at Amanda where I jibbered about how much I loved the nameless security guard that hadn't spoken to me. I then forced Amanda to take this picture so that I could send it to Heather so she could see her future brother-in-law. Heather responded and said he looked scary....uh..yeah...scary beautiful!

Alright, my last little update from dipping my toe in the European dating pond is definitely my favorite. In short, I matched with a boy...let's call him Wings, and he was straight-up delightful. Truly, he provided excellent travel advice and is originally from Kansas. He is now living in Germany (near my friend Amanda). We chatted for several days and as you can see by the image, I felt compelled to give him Amanda's contact information...you know, so they can be friends from America that now live in Germany...he then countered my offer by telling me to look up his friend, let's call him Fawkes, who lives in D.C.

Wings did follow up on reaching out to Amanda and I did follow up on reaching out to Fawkes. In fact, as of a few hours ago, I have officially invited Fawkes to the Fourth of July party my roomie and I are hosting...I'll keep you posted on that. ;)












Heather here, friends. While I wasn't recently gallivanting around Europe like my sister, I did make a trip to Mexico. Like Holly, I decided a little excursion through Bumble/Hinge would be interesting in another country.

Was it interesting? Meh.

With the exception of the anecdote that I'll share in a second, it wasn't interesting. It was the same neanderthal dudes I would find in Missouri...except tanner and posing in more beach pics.....95% of them were also vacationing from the U.S., so this isn't a testament to the dating world in Mexico. It's more of a testament to the migratory habits of idiots from the U.S.

While poolside one day, my friends and I noted a couple that were ridiculously attractive. Like...one of those power couples that just oozes coolness. The kind of couple that poses in pictures and then their photos go viral online with a meme saying "I want a love like this" or something else dumb. After one of my friends said "Uh..they're both REALLY good looking..", we overheard another group talking about them in the same context.


Then, while my friend and I were jokingly scrolling through Bumble together the next day, we came across Ted, who we realized comprised 1/2 of the aforementioned power couple.

So, you can't see his face here...but..Ted's a looker.
........
..............
Ted's a looker that was on vacation with his (presumed) wife at our resort.
........
..............
So, I'm obviously making assumptions about that.

Maybe they just have a very open and very casual relationship. Dunno. I tried to tell myself that they were brother and sister, but after watching another day of interactions between the two of them, I definitely hope that wasn't the case.


Hugs and frogs,
Holly & Heather

Don't make me say it, and the story of Quotesy.

I love that I have friends invested in my dating my life. I mean that sincerely and I need you to understand the sincerity in that statement. Otherwise, the rest of this blog post may make me sound...uh...hateful?

The gist here is that I often have friends ask about my dating life and I'm grateful that I feel comfortable enough with them to discuss any exciting, or not so exciting, updates on that front. In fact, I recently had this discussion with a close friend and was sharing that even though I had been talking to a guy on Happn for several days, I felt that the time to end it had come. Without going into details on that situation (although I still feel strongly that it was the right decision), my friend then proceeded to list a variety of reasons on why I should keep giving this guy another shot. 

She mentioned that she wished I would just "go with the flow" and that I wasn't giving him a chance. I remained silent during this part of the conversation as I'm accustomed to this type of argument. The underlying issue for me is that the insinuation is that I should "go with the flow" and ultimately waver on an issue I find important. Folks. The reason I'm where I am now is because I thought the things that were important to me, and perhaps not important to a significant other, would "work themselves out" or "he would change." I should just keep going with this relationship to "see what happens" and guys, I know what happens. It doesn't work out.
 
So, really, I can "go with the flow." In fact, I am! This is the river I have chosen and unfortunately sugar, the river he chose has him flowing elsewhere. Let's not muddy the tributaries here, people. Just let us flow.

Perhaps most frustrating though, and the true purpose of this post, is that the next point in this conversation is always "look at how it worked out for me and blah blah!"

And then, I grit my teeth, take a deep breath, and do everything in my power not to say it. Don't make me say it. Don't make me look you in the eyes, your well-intentioned eyes, and tell you that I don't want what you have.

But I really don't. 

I am SO VERY glad that you are happy in your relationship. I'm glad that he has checked all your boxes. I wish you a lifetime of happiness. But I don't want him and I don't want your relationship. And aren't we all glad?! Truly?! Isn't a good thing that I don't want your husband or to be you cuddled up to him every night? Whew! I mean, thank God!

And while I will always, hear me on this, ALWAYS listen to your marital or relationship woes, I think it's sometimes comical that you talk to me about how he won't stop spending money on car parts, or he won't help you with your kids, or he won't support you in your career pursuits AND THEN YOU TRY TO TELL ME HOW TO GET EXACTLY WHAT YOU HAVE.  *shake my head* No, thanks.

I also want to be clear on the fact that I understand that all of that comes with a relationship. I understand that you both love each other very much. I understand that there are compromises and that you must "pick your battles." So I guess what I'm asking is that you acknowledge that these are battles I have chosen to pick. These are my non-negotiables. 

If I were in a relationship and called you up to express my frustration about him not going to church with me, or him calling me while drunk at 3 a.m. when he's still out with his friends, or him simply ignoring me for days on end, you would totally have my back. At that point, you would not tell me to "go with the flow." or that I should "give him another chance." So why do I have to do that now? Why am I supposed to go with the flow and give him a chance when he does it in our early dating endeavors?

On a closing note, I also want to share that some of you do have AMAZING relationships and that someday, when I get to that point, I want every bit of advice you can offer. You've just got to let me find my guy first.

This is a gutsy post…but I guess most of ours are. I’ve had a few “don’t make me say it” moments, but I feel for Holly because I feel like she’s been in those places longer and more often than I have. I’m pretty lucky to have a solid group of friends who are either single themselves or usually don’t see my singleness as a problem to be fixed. However, there have been hurtful conversations from friends who jabbed at me for how few guys I’ve kissed or how picky I am. Of course, the jabs are all mentioned in “good fun”, but the insinuation behind those jabs is that I’m lesser for being single, or that I’m single because of my quirks. 

So, I met this guy via one of these online dating apps. I had come across his profile on match last fall and we briefly chatted back and forth. At that time, the conversation fizzled out, which is what happens with probably 75% of conversations I’m part of in this dating gig. This guy was super into posting inspirational quotes on social media……*eye roll*…so, I just decided to dub him “Quotesy” for the purposes of this entry.

Quotesy is super cute, complimentary, and has a stable job. He played football in college and he’s really into working out, but I wasn’t holding that against him (bahahah). He was consistent and clear with his intentions. 

For example: I hadn’t heard from him one day and was talking to my roommate, Emily, about how the little fling was probably fizzling out. Literally in the middle of my sentence, he called to apologize about being MIA. I told him it was cool and I knew he was busy…he replied with a “No! I’ll do better tomorrow.” 

Weird. 

We talked via the app, then texted, then phone calls, then face time. That progression took almost a month-ish.

Quotesy lives in a town about an hour and a half away from Saint Louis, so that presented some obstacles to meeting. Considering his work schedule and my work/volunteer/travel schedule, we just hadn’t had much free time. So, we decided we would meet half way for breakfast last Sunday morning. I was volunteering later that afternoon and he was working later, so, breakfast it was.

While on the phone Friday night (he had texted me asking “Do I get to hear your voice tonight?”…..smooth....), the Sunday plans came up in conversation and everything was good to go.  I confirmed that Emily would be volunteering a double shift on Sunday so that I had time to go get breakfast with him. The phone call was a typical/nice call..he complimented my eyes, talked about being excited to see each other Sunday, and how he wished he had been in STL to have come to the event I was at that night..yadda, yadda, yadda.

That brings us to Saturday. I didn’t hear from him in the AM….or the afternoon…..or even by 8 pm. This is the first time since we reconnected a month prior that we hadn’t at least said hi during the day. I’m texting Emily asking her how I’m supposed to handle this and we’re both pretty confused. 9 pm rolls around and still nothing. After consulting with my therapist (aka..Emily), I sent him a message via FB because I didn’t have his number.**

**Note: If I feel like I can see my crazy coming out, I delete a guy’s number or don’t save them in my phone. This keeps me from sending a winky face emoji to them at 3 am. (but really…) After our chat Friday night, I had deleted Quotesy’s number to keep myself from saying something dumb. I’m really sensitive to making sure conversations are initiated equally at the beginning, so this little rule keeps me from coming on strong. Divulging this makes me sound CRAZY..I know this..but it’s my system and it keeps me in line. (And apparently keeps me super single...so...great..) This is one of those aforementioned "quirks", I guess.

I digress.

I messaged him to confirm that we were still on for Sunday. He replied saying “I honestly don’t think I’m going to be able to make it tomorrow. I’m exhausted and have been in bed all day until now.”

Uh…

What?

…

Anyway, so I replied saying “I hope you get rest.” And he replied, “Sorry for the late notice…We will def reschedule asap.”

And that was the last time I heard from Quotesy, which was 8 days ago.

Uh…

What?

...

The whole thing makes me feel crazy. Luckily, I had kept Emily in the loop as things progressed with Quotesy, so she has helped walk me off the ‘WHAT DID I DO WRONG HERE?!” ledge a few times.
I still don’t really know what happened, but I have a few theories. They’re all pretty much equally sucky and ultimately it just boiled down to him not wanting this.

      a) He heard from an ex/met someone else and was feeling conflicted about meeting me.

b)      He liked the challenge/chase/banter with me, but didn’t ever intend to actually meet.

c)       As he got to know me more, he realized I wasn’t who he assumed I was and wasn’t into it anymore.

d)      He overdosed on protein powder and pre-workout and is now in a comatose state underneath a set of dumbbells.

On top of questioning myself about everything that happened here, I’m also just annoyed that I invested so much time and energy into Quotesy.

Back to the drawing board again.

Hugs and frogs,

Holly & Heather

It's just not Happning.

I've always been a fan of the "missed connections" portion of Craigslist and I'll admit that while I'm unsure what is says about me, sometimes I like to grab a cup of coffee and just read through them one by one. I acknowledge that not all are wholesome (I skip those), but for the vast majority of them, I would argue that the intent is pure and simple: someone regrets not being bolder.

I always hope that there are some about me but frankly, I don't think I would recognize them even if they were. Even now, there's one posted where a man apologizes for not offering his seat to a "shivering girl" at the Germany Embassy last week. I was at the Germany Embassy and I was certainly shivering and in need of seat. Was it me or one of the other 2000 girls you saw that day? Same to the boy looking for the girl he made eye contact with on the metro escalator....or girl in the checkout line at Homegoods...or...you see how long this can go on...

I think we've all had those moments...where you saw someone and your heart skipped a beat but rather than immediately share that information with the handsome stranger, you needed a few minutes to process it, to come up with a game plan, to strategize, to make yourself sound cool and calm...and then the moment is gone.

This feeling of lost romance is ultimately what intrigued me about the dating app Happn. The app, which uses your GPS, tracks your movements throughout the day and then pulls up profiles of other Happn users with whom you've crossed paths. It then operates very similarly to  Tinder/Hinge/Bumble where you swipe right if interested and swipe left if not. Also, in case they seem familiar, you can see how many times your paths have crossed and where these instances occurred. It sounds magical, right? Now the boy who held open the elevator door for you can actually find you! Or the sweet guy who asked for directions? You can see if he managed to find the Capital building! The possibilities just seem so...hopeful! It's the antithesis of a depressing morning with my coffee and the Craigslist missed connections.

And folks, I want this to work so very badly. It seems like the one outlet that merges fate and old-fashioned "meet cutes" with modern technology. 

However, the reality is that this app seems to cause just as much angst as it does hope. For example, when I'm at the gym and I get notifications that people are sending "charms" through Happn I freak out. Seriously, panic. I have on no make-up, my hair is so gross and I've been panting in this Zumba class for 45 minutes. ARE YOU WATCHING ME?! 

I was also recently on the metro and using the time to swipe right or left on the variety of dating apps on my phone and while using Happn, I was "matched" with a boy who was "less than 850 feet away." He was cute and I wondered if I had just missed him, had he been at the platform we just left? I hit refresh, and then refresh again, and again, and every time, this boy was 850 feet away from me. That's when it hit me, he was on this metro car with me. I instantly panicked. What if he was looking at the app too? What if he was watching me look at the app right now? It was just too much!

I'm not quite sure what this says about my need for balance between a "natural" meeting and my compulsive need to analyze his pictures, friends, and profile tagline before making a decision about him, but it's just not working out at this point. Maybe I now place more value on the system in place..the box checking, friend approved, minimally invested "swipe" than I do on meeting an actual human in the actual world...

and that makes me kind of sad...

If you're like me, the idea of the Happn App is pretty terrifying. I'm sure some of you read that and were thinking "Nope." I'm with you....so the Happn world is one that Holly has had to go alone.

I think Holly's hesitancy with Hinge speaks to a bigger issue urged on by dating apps/websites. There's SO much build up and preparation before meeting a person for the first time that you feel like you can ONLY meet new people when you're physically prepared for it. It has created this dynamic in dating where people have to put their best foot forward (showered, cute-effortless-outfit-that-probably-took-you-3-trips-to-nordstrom-rack-to-put-together, zit-less, probably smelling nice, having practiced a few conversation topics, and yadda yadda), or else they don't feel confident going into the date. In the REALLLL world, we meet new people all of the time! Sometimes I even meet new people when I have my hair in a pony tail and have leggings on, but *GASP!*I couldn't imagine meeting someone romantically when I'm in that mode. The challenge with Happn is that you may match with someone while you're in that mode...and that just doesn't bode well for me. Whatever....I'm rambling..

So, I haven't entered the Happn world, but I've continued on the Hinge and Bumble world. (Those are apps you've read about here before...) I've met some pretty awesome guys through Bumble, but everything on Hinge dies out pretty quickly.

I had a date somewhat recently that just kinda made me sad. He seemed like a sweet and well-intentioned guy, but I was so bored through the date that I found myself COUNTING FLOWER PETALS ON A FLOWER BEHIND HIM. I snapped out of it when I saw a bug flying behind him and I flinched, which probably gave it away to him that I was totally zoned out. That whole bit probably speaks more to the fact that I'm a jerk, rather than him being boring..but..yeah..whatever..the coffee was good, at least.

I'm going to end my rambling now because I just watched two chihuahuas get custom wedding dresses and then get married on TLC's Say Yes to The Dress, so I'm emotionally ready for a bucket of ice cream. Or two.

Hugs and frogs,
Holly & Heather

"Can I get a pic?"

Hi, friends and strangers. Heather here.

I have some general rules when it comes to this online dating gig. I've adopted these general rules to a) keep myself objective and level-headed and b) save myself the time of pointless, directionless conversations and first-dates-from-hell. I recognize that these are a little judgey, but I yam what I yam. (......................Why hasn't anyone put that quote on a t-shirt for me yet?)

1) A blank "about me" section is an automatic "no". The naysayers reading this just said "But, Heather! What if he hasn't completed his profile yet?" Meh. Maybe..maybe, that's the case. The much more likely case, though, is that he's not bought into the dating scene or has nothing interesting to offer. Unless I can read an about-me section that indicates otherwise, my past experiences lead me to believe that most of the guys behind these profiles have the personality of a muppet (minus the endearing humor). So..I'll stick with my snap judgments and consider a blank profile a no-go.

2) Racial jokes in his profile are an automatic no. Unfortunately, they're more common than you'd imagine. I've seen not one, not two, not three, BUT FOUR Caucasian guys with the quote "I'm here because I got kicked off blackpeoplemeet.com" on their profile. That's fifty-shades-of-not-funny-to-me....and also clearly unoriginal. No. Bye.

3) Never, under any circumstance, swipe right on a guy who has more selfies than non-selfies in his profile. There isn't room for two queens in this relationship. (Apparently, there isn't really room for this queen in any relationship...so.......#singleforlife.)

3.5) Because this is similar to the aforementioned rule, I'm going to lump it into the same number. You'd be amazed by how many shirtless selfies and shirtless posed photos guys put up. I understand the intention is to insinuate "Oh, hey, ladies. Look at my body. I have an almost-6-pack in this photo that's clearly outdated because I'm wearing a puca shell necklace. So, you should let me buy you coffee." However, it has the opposite effect on me (and many other girls, I imagine..). So. Shirtless photos are a no.

4) If a guy mentions "volunteering" but doesn't say where-he's probably full of it. However, if he volunteers with kids or animals, then I'm a total sucker and I'm falling for whatever self-serving game he's playing by exploiting his volunteer experience.

5) Here's another NO: Their "about me" section only includes their favorite sports teams. You took the time to fill out your about me section, and even took the time to maybe add a mascot emoji (I see you, cute little tiger-face-emoji for the Mizzou Tiger fans...). BUT-you can't take the time to say anything about yourself? The most important, noteworthy, or appealing things about yourself are that you like the Cardinals and the Blues? Congratulations! You just joined the ranks of EVERY.OTHER.GUY.ON.EVERY.DATING.APP.IN.SAINT.LOUIS.EVER.

5.5) This is similar to #5. Profiles that say "like to have fun" or "fun-loving". Come on...shouldn't that be assumed about 98% of us? You might as well say "I breathe air and eat food." If I had a nickel for every profile that said "I like to have fun and love the Cardinals," I'd be rich enough to pay for a mail-order husband.

6) If you've talked to a guy for a day...or two..or three and he says something along the lines of "Can I get a pic?"or "Send me a selfie." The reply is "No. You're weird. Stop." Usually, the guy tries to back track out of the question...Of course, 99.7% of the time, he's hoping that you'll respond with some sexy little picture of yourself. But no. Just no.
Tonight, I was actually in the process of making plans to meet a new guy. Then, this guy asked for a pic and backtracked when I told him "No. Gross. #redflag". He backtracked by telling me he's been catfished and wanted to make sure I was actually a real person. Aaaaand now I'm not responding and probably never will again. Too weird. No. This guy was actually a physician and lives in my neighborhood. He also had texted me tonight because he thought he saw me while walking my dog. So, we confirmed he saw me in the neighborhood but then tried to tell me he needed a pic to confirm that I was the person I said I was in my profile? You'd think a physician could come up with a more sound-proof lie.
Note: For those of you who don't know what being catfished is, it's when someone leads you on by using someone else's pictures on their profile and stringing you along...so..you would think you're talking to the 2014 Miss Arkansas and then later find out you're talking to Honey Boo Boo's mom (God love her.).

7) Profiles with a bully breed dog trump all of the above rules and are an automatic swipe right. If appropriate, I start a conversation by smoothly saying, "I ONLY SWIPED RIGHT BECAUSE OF YOUR DOG. CAN I HAVE HIM/HER?" Works like a charm..Man, I know how to make a guy feel wanted. AmIright, or AmIright?

Hi all, Holly here.

This cracked me up. Mainly because I agree with 90% of what Heth says and also because my own "system" was recently criticized. Since Heather has layed hers out here, I'll add a few of my own:

1. If you don't have your religion listed, it's a no. Here's the deal, I know that some dating sites don't offer this feature but of the ones that do, I expect you to give a shout out to the man upstairs. You know, the one who saved your soul? I hear all the time "What if he doesn't want to come across as judgemental? What if he just wants to share that on a personal level? What if he's non-denominational?" All swell points...except for the fact that I don't assume anyone who claims their religion to be judgemental (sorry you do!). I'm only sharing anything on a personal level with someone who has no problems telling strangers that he's a fan of God, and I'm non-denominational too...and still can check off that box like it doesn't hurt my fingers. THAT is actually what we can discuss on a personal level. I've said it before, I'll say it again, if he can't check a box for Jesus, he's not my man.

2. Speaking of the man upstairs, for all that is good and righteous, do NOT, I repeat DO NOT, post pictures of you and reptiles. Seriously. A photo of anyone holding a boa constrictor does nothing but trigger my gag reflex. I can't. I just can't. And after I see one of you suckers with a profile picture of you and a snake, I'm swiping SO SLOWLY after that. I want to see the snake coming. No hasty swiping right or left here. If you go too fast then BAM! It's a snake! And I'm vomiting! And wondering for the 78,591,048th time why I'm doing this. 

3. Don't make every picture of you a group picture. I appreciate you demonstrating that you have friends and that you venture outside in herds. In fact, this is a solid vetting measure which makes me more interested in you than your pal with 12 selfies (all taken from his laptop in a dimly lit room one assumes to be his mother's basement). However, by only showing me group pictures, I will ultimately find one of the gentleman immensely attractive. Then after spending time comparing all the pictures, it's never you, sugar. Show me a picture of your face upfront so I know what we're dealing with. I do the same for you!

4. This. Just don't.

 

Hugs and Frogs,

Heather and Holly

A year is a year.

Holly here.

Yup folks, we made it. Heth and I succeeded in dating and blogging about it for one. full. year.

Words cannot describe the adventure that this has been.

I've been on two dates (I know, I know! You all only heard about one!), I went speed dating, I auditioned for the Bachelor with Heth, and I joined Christian Mingle, Hinge, Bumble, Mouse Mingle, and Happn (I know, you don't know about this one either). I swiped right so many times that my thumb muscles are now hulk-sized and I have endured countless chats that led to nothing.

That part is easy to explain. It's simply a summation of events. What becomes difficult to describe is the emotional roller coaster that has been this past year. To say I have laughed and cried is an understatement. Rather, I have snorted out noises I never previously thought possible, I have locked myself in bathrooms to call my sister, I have endured heart wrenching conversations about all the events that led me here and I have experienced frustration at a level I never knew could exist.

I've pushed myself. You all have pushed me. I've grown. And I'm ultimately grateful.

In honor of the fulfillment of one year commitment, I looked back at our very first blog post. While I find it validating that I still think Heather and I are funny, the following quote also struck me:

"Sometimes I think I have an answer to that. I think that it should change so that you move to another phase, you marry someone that you love so much it hurts. He is your better half and he cares for you and supports you and you do the same. Someday you have his babies and you make them cupcakes and you teach them how to do cartwheels and you take them to t-ball and it’s all you ever wanted. How magical would that be?

But then, I come to the CONCRETE assurance that I do not, in fact, want that. I enjoy sleeping in on the weekends. I relish my independence – I don’t have to answer to anyone at any time for anything. My money is my own. My time is my own. I don’t shave my legs unless I want to, I eat Nutella for dinner more times than I care to admit and morning breath is never a problem. See how much better that sounds? Why change that?!"

And the more I think about it, the more I must acknowledge that for a very few and quickly fleeting moments, I did, 100% want babies and cupcakes and t-ball. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not convinced that I'll wind up with someone and I certainly don't feel that my life is currently missing anything. However, for the first time in a long time, I wanted it. I do not know whether that's a wall coming down or a new one going up, but it seemed important enough to explore.

As such, I would like to announce that I'm in for another year. 

_____________________________________________________________________

Hi, friends. Heather here.

While on my drive home from work, I returned a phone call to Holly.
Holly: "Kid, we need to talk about the blog."
Heather: "Mmmmmkk............*a moment passes while I realize what today is and what Holly probably wants to discuss* Uggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......."
...............
Holly: "Okay, so I'm saying I'm in. Are you in?"
Heather: "In for what?"
Holly: "The blog! Another year of this!!"
Heather: "Um..well..I can't do another year of this. I can't do the spreading-myself-around-over-multiple-dating-sites-and-all-that-exhaustion. I can do another year of the blog, but no..can't do it as hard-hitting as I have...I cancelled match...."
Holly: "Uhh..yeah..match.com sounded horrible."

So, that's where I am.

In summation of the past year, I had a couple of short-lived relationships, approximately 15 dates with half a dozen guys, two situations where I pondered if I needed to go to the police, and a handful of regrets. I can't imagine the number of pointless conversations I've had, but I'd estimate that to be around 100. Yes...100. I'd probably estimate around 200 inappropriate and/or unreciprocated messages that I received. Yes...200. I've tried to be open to the process, but have also tried to stick with what I want. That's proven to be both guilt ridden ("Who am I to not give this person a shot? What if my standards are asking too much? What if the reason I think we're incompatible isn't accurate?") and confusing ("WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING?! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AMMMMMMMMMMM!").

So, we'll see what happens next. I'm going to have to calm it down a bit, but I'll at least be honest about what's happening (or isn't happening). I recognize I didn't explore several avenues of dating (Speed dating? The Oh-So-Legit Bar Scene? Eharmony? Christian Mingle? Posting my face on a billboard?). So, I'll consider other avenues.

Hugs and frogs,
Holly and Heather


 

Mouse Mingle and Valentine's Day

Holly here:

For those of you who don’t know, Heather and I recently took a trip to California. This was an important trip for me.

It was important because it solidified what I think I’ve probably known for years: Heather is my soulmate. 

Here’s the deal. Of course Heather and I fight. There are times we want to kill each other. Once, when I was a sophomore in high school, we even got into a physical fight. (It ended with me pinned to the ground and Heather inches from my face saying “What are you going to do now?! I HATED her in that moment.)

But the other side of that is the fact that Heather knows my crazy. She gets it. She sees it coming and she talks me through it. There have been times when I’ve called Heather crying so hard that I wasn’t even making words. She can figure out what is wrong and she can give advice. Sometimes I disagree with that advice but I am always grateful for it.

There are also times when Heather and I don’t need words to communicate. I’m sure you also have friends or family members with whom you share this bond but I can read the looks on Heather’s face as if she was writing a novel on her forehead. Historically, this has worked out well for me as it minimized the times I wound up pinned to the floor, but it also comes in handy when we’re in group settings and need back-up from one another. In addition to sensing emotions, Heather and I also recently discovered that we can cook an entire meal (bacon, eggs, English muffins, fruit, and coffee), set the table, and sit down to eat without even speaking to one another.

This all seems like ample advice to support my claim that Heather is my soulmate but our trip to Disneyland was really what sealed the deal. It’s no secret that Disney was, and will always be, a special part of my identity. Heather and I didn’t grow up going to the parks and both Heather and I only actually visited a park after I started working there. This is worth noting because every single bit of VIP information I received, I wound up excitedly passing to Heather. The end result is that Heather has essentially become a cast member by default. She knows where cast member entrance and exit points are, she knows where the best seats are for all the shows, she knows how to interact with all the characters and she knows which rides require a fast pass and which rides merit a “walk-on” commitment. 

Our Disney bond has never been more evident however, than when we recently visited Disneyland. Disneyland is not my home and therefore, I was going in as blindly as Heather. Sure, we had done some “mom blog” research and had already downloaded the Disneyland app but we were both walking into that magical land on unfamiliar ground. Heather and I were accustomed to well-rehearsed systems at Disney World (i.e., we walk in, Heather goes straight for cinnamon rolls and breakfast, I go straight for fast passes) but at Disneyland, we weren’t quite sure what our game plan should be. Let there be no confusion. We had a game plan. We went through it multiple times in the car on the way up….this one just wasn’t tried and true.

Our plans quickly got off to a rocky start due to the non-existence of fast passes for the Matterhorn Bobsleds. Sure, the app said they didn’t have them and this was ultimately a rookie mistake but all the same, our plan backfired first thing in the morning. The truly magical thing about all this is that I was getting breakfast for us all when Heather discovered we would not be cutting any lines for the bobsleds. Rather than call to ask what she should do or simply return empty handed, Heather went to get fast passes for Hyperspace Mountain….and then, miracle of miracles, when she looked at the time to see when we could get our next fast passes, Heather noticed that there was only a ten minute gap. So she took off to other side of the park to get fast passes for Big Thunder Mountain. When Heather returned, she discussed what had happened and suggested we walk to the bobsleds so we could wait in line while we were finishing our breakfast and then head to our first fast pass time. I stared at her in complete awe and wonder. Her actions were, in every detail, exactly what I would have done. 

Waiting in line for those Matterhorn Bobsleds!

So here’s the thing, I regularly think about how great it would be to someday take my kids to Disney. Sometimes I even get sad that I’m no longer able to make magic for any kids I know and I would love nothing more than to experience all my favorite things with a three-year-old. Where this story is going to take an unexpected turn is that I usually don’t think about taking my husband and 2.5 children. I think about taking my sister and 2.5 children. I truly doubt that any future husband would be able to anticipate my Disney expectations at the rate and caliber at which Heather does!

All that said, when Mouse Mingle became a thing, six of you reached out to me. Six of you. (and two people reached out to Heather to forward on to Holly....)

In case you missed it, Mouse Mingle is a dating site for Disney lovers. Given that I fall into that category, I absolutely understand why this seemed to make sense. Heck, I was even excited when I started reading about it!

And then I joined the site…and the excitement faded with the realization that cast members excluded, I think it takes an…ahem…interesting type of man to join a Disney dating site. To kill the magic for a moment, there are some straight up weird guys on there. Weird guys posing with pictures of my friends and no smiles and it makes me wonder why dating sites don’t offer background checks. Yes. Let’s do that. I want a background check for every one of them!

I’m sure there are some nice guys on here, so please don’t take this as applicable to all of them…but there are certainly a fair amount of “winks” that have made me feel like I should maybe call the police. 

In a nutshell, I’ve decided that it’s okay if my husband doesn’t love Disney as much as me. I fully expect him to know the favorite characters of any movie our children like and I want him to take me to see fireworks on a regular basis…but if he doesn’t download the app, feel compelled to take pictures alone with princesses, or know when the Indiana Jones show starts, we will still be jjjjjjjuuuuuuuuuusssssttttt fine.

Heck, if the magic is just too much for him, he can always just leave me and our kids with my sister.

So I’d like to wish a very happy Valentine’s to my soulmate, Disney and otherwise. Happy Valentine’s day,  kid!

A note from Heather:

Few will understand the magnitude of Holly's compliment when she says I make her proud with my Disney-techniques. She's hard core with Disney and she considers most people to be dead-weight on her Disney excursions. We've now made enough trips together that we run like a well-oiled machine.....a thrill-ride-and-cartoon-character-seeking machine.

Valentine's Day brings out the best and the worst in people. I guess holidays in general do, but especially Valentine's Day. There's a lot of pressure and some people pull out the stops for their loved ones.  I really do experience happiness for some of my friends who get awesome Valentine's surprises! However, there's also a lot of pressure as a single person....There's the unsaid awkward moments when your coworkers receive flowers or discuss their Valentine's plans and you purposefully don't contribute to the conversation because you don't want to come across as bitter or make them uncomfortable. There's the knock on your door when you think for a split second "Maybe just MAYBE someone sent me something!" (which turned out to only be my neighbor warning me that my car was about to get towed). Then, a worker at Trader Joe's gives you a single rose and you think "It's THAT obvious that I'm single? It's THAT apparent?". There are the multiple engagements on Facebook......and the "memories" on Facebook that take you back to this day in previous years and remind you of the Valentine's Days where you weren't alone.

But you know what? There's also moments where I remember that I am ROCKING life and I'm doing it alone. I have amazing friends, empowering independence, and truly feel like I make a difference every day. The independence I have now is something that a lot of women never experience, and I think it's pretty magical.

I know some of my friends pity me and think I should be taking their dating advice. They believe if they took the driver's seat in my dating life, then they could cure me of the debilitating disease of single-ness (*eye roll*). However, I'm no longer agreeing with their view on my relationship status. Being single isn't worth less than being married. It's a different life, but my unconventional circumstances aren't worth less than the circumstances in a traditional family. My life and my contributions are powerful and valuable, and the experiences I've gained as a single woman are incredible. I'm not considering my life now to be a season of waiting for marriage. I'm not waiting to start my life with The One; I already started my life and it's awesome.

I guess it seems like I'm writing to myself here, but I'm also writing this as an encouragement to others. Your relationship status isn't something to be cured or fixed, because you, darling, are a marvelous creature who is totally owning the single-hood life. You're like a freaking unicorn, my fellow-single-Valentines, and I hope you all enjoy it!

Hugs and frogs,
Holly and Heather