There's a cat in a bag. And that cat is a frog.

This is an interesting (and anxiety-provoking) blog to write, but I fear for my life if I don't write something because Holly has gently been reminding me for weeks to do so.

While I won't completelyyy let the cat out of the bag and delve into full disclosure here, I will disclose that there is in a cat in a bag. And the cat is actually a frog. I've either caught said frog, or said frog has caught me. (I hope you're all following the theme of this blog and understand that the frog is actually a guy...) (Actually, maybe I don't. I bet this would be a funny post if you all imagined this as an amphibian..)

If you know me, or have read anything we've written, you know Holly and I are both particular creatures who aren't exactly flexible in our approach to dating. We've been trying to balance progressing and growing, while also sticking with our values and standards.

So, you won't be surprised to find that this hasn't been easy for me. I recently admitted to him that the easiest and most convenient thing for me to do would be to find a way out of this. I wouldn't be trying to find a way out because of him, but because of who I am. I'm a chicken, and a creature of habit. Those habits have lead me into complacency with singleness.

But, man. He's making it reallllly hard to find a way out.

He's been patient.

• With my schedule...my rigidity...my "Hey, I'm still trying to figure out what this is..."
  

And kind.

• He gave me an HDMI cord (because he diagnosed the problem with my DVD player, which had been useless FOR THREE YEARS and then provided the solution...)
• Ordered me a new OU car emblem and offered to take my car to wash it so that I could put the emblem on it...

And different.

• Planned a date where he picked me up wearing suspenders with flowers in tow, played my favorite songs (which he had downloaded onto his phone), and took me to a shfancy restaurant...

And supportive.

• Of my job...
• Of my dog stuff...
• Of OU alumni club stuff...
• Of my faith...
• Also, he tolerates my excessive emoji use, which I'm considering supportive.

And flexible.

• When I say "dude I'm tired..can't hang out tonight", He's like "Okay! Hope you're okay! Can I help?"

And considerate.

• I mean...He had queso, and a flower, and brownies when I went over to his house to watch a movie last weekend..
• When talking about my favorite movies, I didn't realize he proceeded to order them on DVD from Amazon that very night...

And funny.

• I don't think I've ever not laughed around him..even when 1/2 of those laughs may be at my own ridiculousness.
• He may or may not have challenged me on impersonations of Smeagol from Lord of The Rings. And he won. By a landslide.

And communicative.

• He's been open and honest about what he's thinking. I haven't questioned what his intentions are.. (though I will admit I've questioned why he has those intentions...)
• He's given me space to vent frustrations, anxieties, and boundaries.

This becomes a little more complicated because I've known this guy for a few years and we had a bit of a rocky start to a potential relationship then. I've learned a lot about grace and forgiveness, and have accepted that people really can change. I know I've changed since the time we initially met, and I'm learning that he has really changed too.

Yeah, I'm not going to lie...I basically had no plan for this part of  frog hunting. I suppose I realized it could happen, I just was so focused on keeping my head above water on 75 different dating sites that I didn't ever map out any sort of game plan. As such, watching Heather process this has been quite an interesting sitcom.

If pressed to consider how I'm feeling about Heather finding a frog, I'd have to say I'm little upset. Of course I'm happy for Heather (and the fact that she now has a functional DVD player) but selfishly I also feel like I'm going to be alone in the trenches...No one likes to be alone in the trenches.

When we first launched the frog blog, I had a work colleague give me a frog hunting (gigging) tool. It's been sitting at my desk at work, and has been the subject of many interesting office conversations, but I never realized it's practicality until Heather said she had a frog in a bag. So let me clear Mr. Frog, I totally believe in innocent until proven guilty but I need you to understand that I'm armed, and I'm not afraid to use it.

Hugs and Frogs,

Heather and Holly

If we're not married by the time we're 25...

Take a walk with me - a little walk down memory lane. Maybe to college, maybe high school, maybe, if you were on your a-game, travel all the way back to elementary school.  Think back to that conversation that ended with "well, if we're not married by the time we're (fill in any number seen as beyond hope), let's just marry each other!"

Ah. A plan.

I like plans.

I like them so much that I actually had five. I had five boys under contract with the legally binding statement mentioned above.

I had one boy suggest we get married at 20 (this was too young for consideration to me), three suggested 25 (but when I shared with one that I was already committed to two others for that day, he politely offered 24) and when all those ships had sailed, I had one blessed soul offer 30.

All this planning on my part and here I sit, wrapped in a blanket watching Dance Moms and eating Nutella with a spoon.

Where are they? Married (I assume happily) or in a very committed relationship (again, assuming happily).

So why blog about it? I just haven't been able to shake them all from my mind recently. I suppose I'm feeling haunted by that dreaded "what if" question. What if we had just done it?

I'd say a solid 70% of my brain knows why we didn't. The reality is that one or both of us would have been settling on what we were looking for in a relationship. If we hadn't felt we were settling, we would have been dating, which then makes the marriage portion a bit of a more serious conversation than setting an age.

However, the 30% of head space remaining keeps saying "but you were friends!" And we were...in some cases, we still are...and I think that's the tricky thing. Everyone says you should marry your best friend...at different stages in my life, some of these boys would have been among that ranking...so why not just jump in? Why not go for it? For most of these boys, I would have, and still would, trust them with my life. I grew up with them. Granted, I met some later in life but think we did a fair share of growing up together. I know them and their moral compass. I know their families. I know they would treat me well. Isn't that what a marriage is supposed to be about?

If arranged marriages work in other cultures, wouldn't a self-arranged marriage, at an age I chose, with a boy I cared about, make complete sense?

Le sigh.

I think I need a bigger spoon.

I think I've made a couple of "if we're not married by..." agreements, but now that I think about them, it just makes me sad. There's a nuance behind those joking agreements..a nuance that says "hey...as time goes on and I become less desirable, we can settle for each other, alright?" or "if we reach the point where finding someone who would truly love me is unlikely, then we could probably figure something out? yeah? cool."

On the other hand, I've also had similar thoughts to Holly's 30% thoughts. How much of a successful relationship is finding the right person? And how much of it is just sticking it out with whatever person you've decided to stick it out with?

Anyway, if you've read other blog posts from us, then you've probably heard of an app called Hinge. Hinge underwent a total revamp and really, it's just exhausting. Another app with another format with another set of rules, with unfortunately the same 'ole schmucks. It's making me consider a revisit to my "if we're not married by" agreements....

Hugs and frogs,
Holly & Heather

The state of my affairs.

Unfortunately, this blog has taken a back burner in my life and it frustrates me. I consider it failure that I can't seem to balance this with everything else. Heck, that's rather prophetic isn't it? If I can't keep a blog, how on earth am I supposed to find a man?! Alas, another blog for another day.

Today, I intend to return to the original intent of this blog: to document this time in my life so that when I'm 70, I can look back at this and laugh. Who are we kidding? I'm laughing now...but here we go anyway.

1. I had a blind date with a friend of a work colleague. I suppose it technically wasn't a "blind" date as I had previously met him at a conference. Unfortunately, that original meeting was not as memorable for me as it was for him. Nonetheless, we met for drinks...at 7:30 p.m....which is still a concept I can't wrap my head around (I'M STARVING AT 7:30! I WANT REAL FOOD! I WANT MEAT!). We had a nice time with our drinks and talked about all the stuff I would normally want to talk about (small town feels, religion, career aspirations, etc.). Then, he proceeded to say he had lost his wallet, I paid for everything, I offered to share an Uber with him to get him home given the missing wallet but he preferred to walk and I haven't heard from him since. That was in January I think?

2. I barely missed the opportunity to chat with Sean. He came to D.C. the same day I left for Germany. As expected, he was a perfect gentleman in all of our correspondence.

3. I accidentally went on a date with a work colleague. We met for coffee where I thought he wanted to talk about research...which we did...and then he emailed me apologizing for being nervous and asked me to go to an art gallery with him the following week. Realizing what was happening, I politely declined and that seems to be that.

4. I joined CrossPaths which is supposed to be a combo effort of Bumble and Christian Mingle. Unfortunately, as the image indicates, even with a 50 mile radius, this place isn't hopping.

5. Fawkes and I finally met up! I say "finally" because I actually had to cancel our first meeting time given the ultimate demise of my sweet car, Jezebel. Assuming he would think I was lying (of course a girl would cite car trouble as a reason for canceling a date), I totally took a video for him from the side of the road to prove that I wasn't lying. He was a complete champ about it and really, I did enjoy our appetizers and desert (we decided to share those rather than have dinner). We had a great a conversation and he was wonderfully calm when the band of rings I bought at the Louvre in Paris broke and beads scattered all over the floor of the restaurant. The only real trouble was that I didn't want to kiss him. I don't think he wanted to kiss me either as that dinner was the last I heard from him. I mean, we are now Facebook friends so "hey, Fawkes!" :)



It's hard to write because I think we're probably in the dog house with the blog gods. Whoopsies.

I'll be brief and summarize my state of affairs in a bulleted template like Holly did.

1) The last few months of my life have been less inclusive of new prospects, and more inclusive of dodging the bullets that old prospects can throw at you. From spending time back in Oklahoma avoiding the emotions that seeing blasts-from-the-pasts can bring, to receiving a few interesting correspondences (from FB of all places) from guys (Muscles and Quotesy) who were previously blogged about.

2) A woman I know through a previous job called me (on my current office number of all places..) to small talk. And by "small talk" I actually mean "ask why I'm not putting myself out there enough". She also wanted me to "stop waiting around and start living my life." Not only was the entire conversation inappropriate, one-sided, and conflicting...but it was also infuriating. I kept trying to change the subject and remain professional but eventually retorted "I'm sorry..but I can't think of a single aspect of my life where I'm holding back anyyyythinnggg or depriving myself of anythingggg....." Sensing my defensiveness, she commented about how I was too pretty to be single.

.......And then I changed the conversation by asking her if she wanted to adopt a dog from Even Chance. (Man...that always pipes people down....)

3.) My church started a series about relationships last week, which was incredibly interesting. If you're in STL and want to catch the rest of the series with me, feel free to join! The message was about the difference between desires and expectations, and more specifically about how our desires can become problematic...I'm 98.6% sure that our pastor was speaking directly to me, but there's a 1.4% chance that it was also intended for someone else.

Anyway, that's all for now folks.


Hugs and frogs,
Holly & Heather

My Favorite...

In honor of National Sister Day, I've snuck one past my baby sis. She has no idea I'm writing this...actually, come to think of it, having me write this behind her back is going to seem like small potatoes when she reads the post as she also has no idea I've been screen shotting our text messages for a year. Yeah. A year.

I sometimes feel sorry for Heather, and frankly, after reviewing a year of our text messages, I still feel sorry for her. From birth, Heather and I have been so very different and sometimes those differences shock me. Even in childhood, Heather was so much more level-headed, so much more practical. Practicality has never, hear me, NEVER, been my strong suit.

In fact, staying true to my lack of preference for practicality, I think young Charlotte and Tiana from Princess and the Frog sum up Heather and I pretty darn well...

That said, I can't imagine doing life without her. Seriously. I can't imagine it. And sometimes when I hear of someone losing their sibling, I have to take a moment to fight back tears because I just can't imagine life without Heather.

So without a touching tribute (Heather HATES those kinds of things) I'll get going with the reason we're here: I want to remember this time in our lives. Afterall, that's why Heather and I are doing the blog but I wanted to take it one step further and focus, for just a minute, on my relationship with my sister, rather than a relationship with a boy.

As such, I thought it might be fun to reflect on some of our sister highlights from this past year. (Note that I'm always blue, Heather always gray.) Here we go!

1. There was the time we discussed getting tattoos. 

 2. The time we were hungry and thinking about blog posts.

 3. That time new Emojis were installed in an iPhone update.

 4. When Adele released her new album.

 5. That time we planned a Disney vacay.

6. That time I needed Heather to be my therapist.

7. That time Heather questioned how seriously I take 50% off sales.

8. The one day a year where Heather is more dramatic than me.

9. That one time when Heather let me believe in miracles.

10. That time we realized how selfish Heather is.

11. That time I went to an academic conference and attended a panel on dating.

12. That time I had a dream about Heather.

13. That time Heather judged my dinner choices.

14. That time Heather wanted me to smell people for her.

15. That time I needed Heather to be my therapist again.

 16. That time we discussed the true intent of the Girl Scouts Corporation.

 17. That time there was a Final Four.

 

 18. That time I needed a hashtag for a girl's weekend (Heth is LEGIT good at this.)

19. That time we loved blondes and hated cheaters.

 20. That time we planned another vacation.

21. That time Prince died.

22. That time I once again pointed out that Heather has uncanny abilities to phase people out.

23. That time we talked about underwear.

24. That time Heather gave me a heart attack.

25. That time Heather made me Regina George.

26. That time Paris flooded days before I went and Heather was super sympathetic.

27. That time we had an Emoji clarification conversation.

28. That time Kevin Durant left the Thunder.

29. That time Heather was going to make sure I got proper photo creds!

30. That time Heather supported my purchase of a tulle skirt.

31. That time joining a Fitbit challenge with Heather made me relive my childhood so I accused her of cheating.

In sum, I've left out SO many texts. SO many. Texts where Heather corrected my grammar in this blog, texts where I thanked Heather for sending me ice cream at work, texts where we texted the lyrics to Gunpowder and Lead back and forth...and frankly, all these texts don't even capture my reliance on and love for that girl. There are so many phone calls, emails, gchats, and in-person discussions that make me so grateful to call her my baby sis.

Kid, thanks for not killing me when we were young. Happy National Sister Day!

;)

All the hugs and not a single frog,

Holly