Yup folks, we made it. Heth and I succeeded in dating and blogging about it for one. full. year.
Words cannot describe the adventure that this has been.
I've been on two dates (I know, I know! You all only heard about one!), I went speed dating, I auditioned for the Bachelor with Heth, and I joined Christian Mingle, Hinge, Bumble, Mouse Mingle, and Happn (I know, you don't know about this one either). I swiped right so many times that my thumb muscles are now hulk-sized and I have endured countless chats that led to nothing.
That part is easy to explain. It's simply a summation of events. What becomes difficult to describe is the emotional roller coaster that has been this past year. To say I have laughed and cried is an understatement. Rather, I have snorted out noises I never previously thought possible, I have locked myself in bathrooms to call my sister, I have endured heart wrenching conversations about all the events that led me here and I have experienced frustration at a level I never knew could exist.
I've pushed myself. You all have pushed me. I've grown. And I'm ultimately grateful.
In honor of the fulfillment of one year commitment, I looked back at our very first blog post. While I find it validating that I still think Heather and I are funny, the following quote also struck me:
"Sometimes I think I have an answer to that. I think that it should change so that you move to another phase, you marry someone that you love so much it hurts. He is your better half and he cares for you and supports you and you do the same. Someday you have his babies and you make them cupcakes and you teach them how to do cartwheels and you take them to t-ball and it’s all you ever wanted. How magical would that be?
But then, I come to the CONCRETE assurance that I do not, in fact, want that. I enjoy sleeping in on the weekends. I relish my independence – I don’t have to answer to anyone at any time for anything. My money is my own. My time is my own. I don’t shave my legs unless I want to, I eat Nutella for dinner more times than I care to admit and morning breath is never a problem. See how much better that sounds? Why change that?!"
And the more I think about it, the more I must acknowledge that for a very few and quickly fleeting moments, I did, 100% want babies and cupcakes and t-ball.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not convinced that I'll wind up with someone and I certainly don't feel that my life is currently missing anything. However, for the first time in a long time, I wanted it. I do not know whether that's a wall coming down or a new one going up, but it seemed important enough to explore.
As such, I would like to announce that I'm in for another year.
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Hi, friends. Heather here.
While on my drive home from work, I returned a phone call to Holly.
Holly: "Kid, we need to talk about the blog."
Heather: "Mmmmmkk............*a moment passes while I realize what today is and what Holly probably wants to discuss* Uggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......."
...............
Holly: "Okay, so I'm saying I'm in. Are you in?"
Heather: "In for what?"
Holly: "The blog! Another year of this!!"
Heather: "Um..well..I can't do another year of this. I can't do the spreading-myself-around-over-multiple-dating-sites-and-all-that-exhaustion. I can do another year of the blog, but no..can't do it as hard-hitting as I have...I cancelled match...."
Holly: "Uhh..yeah..match.com sounded horrible."
So, that's where I am.
In summation of the past year, I had a couple of short-lived relationships, approximately 15 dates with half a dozen guys, two situations where I pondered if I needed to go to the police, and a handful of regrets. I can't imagine the number of pointless conversations I've had, but I'd estimate that to be around 100. Yes...100. I'd probably estimate around 200 inappropriate and/or unreciprocated messages that I received. Yes...200. I've tried to be open to the process, but have also tried to stick with what I want. That's proven to be both guilt ridden ("Who am I to not give this person a shot? What if my standards are asking too much? What if the reason I think we're incompatible isn't accurate?") and confusing ("WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING?! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AMMMMMMMMMMM!"). So, we'll see what happens next. I'm going to have to calm it down a bit, but I'll at least be honest about what's happening (or isn't happening). I recognize I didn't explore several avenues of dating (Speed dating? The Oh-So-Legit Bar Scene? Eharmony? Christian Mingle? Posting my face on a billboard?). So, I'll consider other avenues.
Hugs and frogs,
Holly and Heather
