If we're not married by the time we're 25...

Take a walk with me - a little walk down memory lane. Maybe to college, maybe high school, maybe, if you were on your a-game, travel all the way back to elementary school.  Think back to that conversation that ended with "well, if we're not married by the time we're (fill in any number seen as beyond hope), let's just marry each other!"

Ah. A plan.

I like plans.

I like them so much that I actually had five. I had five boys under contract with the legally binding statement mentioned above.

I had one boy suggest we get married at 20 (this was too young for consideration to me), three suggested 25 (but when I shared with one that I was already committed to two others for that day, he politely offered 24) and when all those ships had sailed, I had one blessed soul offer 30.

All this planning on my part and here I sit, wrapped in a blanket watching Dance Moms and eating Nutella with a spoon.

Where are they? Married (I assume happily) or in a very committed relationship (again, assuming happily).

So why blog about it? I just haven't been able to shake them all from my mind recently. I suppose I'm feeling haunted by that dreaded "what if" question. What if we had just done it?

I'd say a solid 70% of my brain knows why we didn't. The reality is that one or both of us would have been settling on what we were looking for in a relationship. If we hadn't felt we were settling, we would have been dating, which then makes the marriage portion a bit of a more serious conversation than setting an age.

However, the 30% of head space remaining keeps saying "but you were friends!" And we were...in some cases, we still are...and I think that's the tricky thing. Everyone says you should marry your best friend...at different stages in my life, some of these boys would have been among that ranking...so why not just jump in? Why not go for it? For most of these boys, I would have, and still would, trust them with my life. I grew up with them. Granted, I met some later in life but think we did a fair share of growing up together. I know them and their moral compass. I know their families. I know they would treat me well. Isn't that what a marriage is supposed to be about?

If arranged marriages work in other cultures, wouldn't a self-arranged marriage, at an age I chose, with a boy I cared about, make complete sense?

Le sigh.

I think I need a bigger spoon.

I think I've made a couple of "if we're not married by..." agreements, but now that I think about them, it just makes me sad. There's a nuance behind those joking agreements..a nuance that says "hey...as time goes on and I become less desirable, we can settle for each other, alright?" or "if we reach the point where finding someone who would truly love me is unlikely, then we could probably figure something out? yeah? cool."

On the other hand, I've also had similar thoughts to Holly's 30% thoughts. How much of a successful relationship is finding the right person? And how much of it is just sticking it out with whatever person you've decided to stick it out with?

Anyway, if you've read other blog posts from us, then you've probably heard of an app called Hinge. Hinge underwent a total revamp and really, it's just exhausting. Another app with another format with another set of rules, with unfortunately the same 'ole schmucks. It's making me consider a revisit to my "if we're not married by" agreements....

Hugs and frogs,
Holly & Heather