Tuesday, May 19, 2015

What's your type?



A note from Holly:

“What’s your type?”

That’s the question I usually get immediately after discussing my proclaimed “year of dating.” It’s a funny little question and I have two default responses:

1. “Is heterosexual a type?”
2. “Ken doll.”

However, after realizing that this would probably be useful information for my frog hunting endeavors and that I actually didn’t have a concrete answer, I decided to initiate my usual game plan for such difficulties – I called Heather. When I asked my darling sister if I had a type, she laughed (it was really a snarky little sound) and then she said “Of course you do! You’re totally into nerds!”

I was immediately offended. I assume that a slew of previous boyfriends are now also offended.

In an effort to redeem myself, I started rattling off names and a variety of reasons as to why “nerd” wasn’t my type. “But there was Joe Bob, he was captain of the golf team! And there was totally Jimmy Joe! He got offered a basketball scholarship to college! And what about Cody, Ethan, and Jake? They wore cowboy boots! Nerds don’t wear boots!”

Heather tolerated my tirade and then rattled off a few names that really didn’t bring much else to the table other than their ability to beat me at a video game but lose to me in a real life physical altercation. Hhhhmmmm….

This was mildly frustrating to me…especially because Heather’s type is pretty straight-forward – if he’s not currently an athlete, not formerly an athlete, or not actively interested in viewing sporting events, then he’s definitely not for Heather.

I shared this frustration with my friend Kate, who sympathized with my struggle. She summed it up a little better than I could though…”Of course I don’t know my type! If I knew my type, I wouldn’t be single!”

Bingo.

How in the world am I supposed to share my type when clearly all the “type” choices I have made previously failed? 

I mean, logic would suggest that I could learn from previous relationships…I’m not usually a fan of logic but I decided to attempt it. I made a list of reoccurring themes that should perhaps factor into the next round.

Common Themes
1. Truck ownership – I admit, growing up in Oklahoma probably impacted this fact but nonetheless, a majority of former relationships drove trucks. I did not hate this. ;)
2. Lack of Jersey shorts – These are Heather’s people. However, I do not consider running shorts and a t-shirt to be appropriate attire for 90% of the world to see you wearing. You work out? Awesome. You wear these when you do? Happy for you. You want to wear them to dinner? No thanks.
3. They love Jesus – this is a tricky one because there were varying levels here but that’s okay. During certain relationships, I loved Him less him than I do now so I’m judgement free on that note but share it because this is obviously an important factor for me.
4. No long hair – stresses me out. That is all.

So…yeah…that’s basically all I can come up with for uniting factors. Everything else seems to be a modge-podge of interests, attributes, and skill sets…

Perhaps it’s easier to stick with the previously stated requirements: Is he straight? Does he look like a Ken doll? Done!

In other news, I’ve had two interesting conversations/realizations that I thought I’d share:

1. My friends Matt and Darli came to visit a few weeks ago. We had a grand time with many adventures! While it was overall nothing short of spectacular, I made an interesting discovery…I don’t notice men. Seriously. Apparently this is a thing that I do not do. We could all be sitting at a table. Darli would say “MmmmMmmmmMmmm!” Matt would say “Yes ma’am!!!” I would say “Right? Isn’t the cornbread delicious!” Nope…we were apparently not discussing cornbread. This situation played out over multiple days and at multiple venues. Both Matt and Darli could find, smile at, and comment on beautiful people before I even realized there was someone near us. I feel like this is problematic to frog hunting but I don’t really have a solution. I feel like the alternative, which would be creepily staring everyone I meet up and down, is not really conducive to finding the right kind of frogs, you know what I mean?

2. I went shopping with my friend, Liz, and her lifelong friend, Rachel. While Liz was trying on clothes, I filled Rachel in on the Frog Blog. Her response was game changing. First of all, she wasn’t shocked that I was trying online dating.  There were also no comments regarding how unfortunate it is that I’m not already married and there was no sympathy regarding the process of wading through tadpoles. Instead, she told me I needed to be aggressive. Boom. She’s currently living in New York, attempting the same thing Heather and I are and she hit on something that I had previously never thought of – there are other frog hunters out there. There are other frog hunters who want my frog! They want him rul bad! So if I see someone on Hinge that I want to meet with, then I need to initiate the convo and go meet him! If I don’t, someone else most certainly will. Seriously guys, game changing. 

So on that note, I do believe it’s probably time to expand the dating options from Hinge to….something other than Match.com (as previously stated, I ain’t got time for them crazies over there!). More to come on this in future blog posts but it’s time. I will continue to Hinge and as such, thought I’d share a few more taglines that have, if nothing else, brightened my days. Enjoy!


 Right? Totes agree, Brian.

 Me too Sam, me too.

 So, I'm not really sure if David is overly confident, a true "foodie," or if this is a truly a testament to the priorities in his life: food > Holly

 So, Will here actually made me snort. Because this is so ridiculously true. That basically sums up how I feel every morning that I wake up and there are no matches...wahwah

 Wow. Jake's a philosopher.

 HUGE bonus points to you, Mike. We all have moments...but as long as your moments allow you to quote Sandra Bullock movies, we'd get along great.

 I love everything about you, Alex.

 ...?

 We obviously have different ideas regarding life expectancy. (Note from Heather: While editing this post, I texted Holly to inform her that these were song lyrics. Don't worry, y'all. At least one Roberts sister knows Sublime.)

 Found it! Current runner and dedicated friend! You liar!

 I had to google Josh Lyman...

 Bam!

 This? This is how you pick up women?! 

Uhhh...that's a lot of pressure, Sean. You've got nothing?

 And Sebastian for the win! *drops the mic*

A note from Heather:

This post feels shallow. Having a type feels shallow. However, it is what it is. And here I is. I'm offended that Holly described my type as being jersey short wearing athletes. However, with a few exceptions in mind, it is what it is. I yam what I yam.

As Holly pointed out, whatever we've thought our type was clearly hasn't been working. Here's to throwing caution to the wind and branching out from my type. Here's to recreating my type as simply: "a confident, faith-focused, kind, generous, funny, and intelligent man", whether he wears basketball shorts or not. :)



Hugs and frogs,
Holly & Heather

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Is this real life?

Heather here. Hi everyone.....Will one of y'all yell at Holly for not writing a blog update? I know you want to hear from her, and frankly, she's too good at telling me "No."

Anyway, I'm sure many of you saw that Holly and I went to the Kentucky Derby. If you've wondered "I wonder if they will have a cute blog story from the derby!?", my short answer is "nope." However, if you wondered "Did Lamont (the guy who called Heather racist) message Heather while she was at the Derby from a different match.com account and ultimately, make the same accustations as he did before?" The answer is "YEP." If you wondered, "Did Lamont make threatening statements, which resulted in Heather reporting his account? and "Did a match.com representative respond to Heather encouraging her to notify local police about the conversation?", my answer is "YEP." and also "................have you been reading my e-mails?"

Here's where it started:

The first message wasn't bad. If I had only received that message, hadn't received his nasty messages from a few posts ago (go read it if you haven't already....), and didn't receive the messages that followed the first, I might have responded. I was at the Derby when I received the first message, so, really, it would have taken me a while to get back on that message, too. However, I knew who he was and knew I didn't want to respond. Why would I ride that rollercoaster again? I opted not to respond.
And then I got that second message....and honestly thought, "Is this real life?" Again, my game plan was "Just let it go......just don't respond..it'll click and he'll realize your conversation from last month...."

THEN, I got the third message. At that point, I thought "How can he not realize we spoke before? How can he not remember that he made the same accusatory comments to a blonde with a pit bull?" ...And then I wondered about his sanity...and then I wondered if I was being punked by a friend....and then I responded.

After I sent this, it probably only took about 90 seconds before Lamont wrote back. I would love to say he apologized and we agreed amicably not to correspond anymore. Alas, that's not what happened.

Look guys, I get it. Lamont is angry and hurt. Not only is Lamont upset about being rejected, he's upset about a lifetime of prejudice. I recognize and acknowledge the prejudice he has experienced, I don't know what it's like, because I'm not Lamont. However, I recognize it and can be sensitive to it. I'm incredibly privileged and haven't dealt with the pain of years of systematic and personal oppression like Lamont may have. Anyway, angry people are likely to hurt people...physically or emotionally. I get it. However, it's not a fun game to play when you're on the receiving end. I maintain that my disinterest in Lamont does not have anything to do with race, but, I see how he could feel that way.

In hindsight, I probably should have just left out my second response. I knew it wouldn't make a difference and knew he wouldn't accept it. As soon as I sent my response, I went back to the app to try and figure out how to block and/or report someone. That process took me roughly 3-4 minutes, which was enough time to receive the final 3 replies from Lamont.

Understandably, I felt (and still feel) threatened by Lamont's comments. I don't know what Maryland Heights has to do with anything or why he threw that in there. (For you out of towners, Maryland Heights is an area in St. Louis...) Maybe Lamont assumed I live there? Anyway..I don't live there...and I'm not in the area often, which, is a comfort I guess......Also...I think it's funny that Lamont couldn't remember my face or profile enough to realize he had messaged me from another account, BUT, he thinks he "remember(s) faces very well." If his facial recognition is as good as I think it is, I wonder how often he reintroduces himself to himself in the mirror. (zing.)
When reporting someone on match.com, there's a blank line for you to fill in why you're reporting them. In this situation, I was brief. I wrote something along the lines of "Lamont has sent me accusatory and now threatening messages from two accounts."

Kudos to match.com on their response. I sent the report the evening of 5/4. The following morning, I received a response around 9 am. from match.com customer support. Basically, the response was sympathetic (which was validating) and firm. The responder suggested that I contact local authorities immediately. The rep also mentioned that we could get in touch with their legal department, and could get a subpoena for more information if necessary. The e-mail also said that due to confidentiality, they couldn't tell me what action was taken, but "please be assured that the appropriate action has been taken on this account."

I haven't gone to the police. It doesn't seem necessary for me now. If I hear from him again, sure, I'll go chat with a cop about feeling threatened by a guy from match.com. Sounds like a great time. I'll send you all an e-vite.

Side note: I went to the police a few years ago when a guy I knew in Oklahoma tracked down my home address in St. Louis and started sending me letters/flowers. I asked him to stop, but then realized he had made comments online about coming to St. Louis to "get (me)". Since I knew he had my address, I was concerned. It was a weird, scary, and humiliating process, especially when I went to the police feeling very insecure. From the police, I basically got a "Well....here's a pamphlet on how to walk in the neighborhood safely...Maybe get some pepper spray?" Also, this was around a month after I had kinda escaped a car jacker who had kidnapped a woman. (It's less dramatic than that sounds..) I just mean that I wasn't feeling very safe or secure in general....I don't know what I was expecting the cops to do when I went there. I guess I thought they would at least make a note in their system about my concern? I don't know.

Anyway. Dating is obviously going swimmingly. It's a ton of fun and man, why would anyone want to skip this for married life? 

A note from Holly:
Don't yell at me. I can't take it. If Heather makes it sound like she is kindly and angelically asking me to write blog posts and that I am maliciously denying her request, she's wrong. Typically the comments are "Well, I guess you're done with the blog." and "What are you doing? You should be writing a blog..." Uh huh, see that sassy snark?

But really, I haven't been writing a blog because I'm busy! It's the end of the semester and a few things at work are proving very time consuming and I got a promotion (yaay!) but I just haven't had much time! My deepest and sincerest apologies, oh perfect Heather!

In addition to Heather's lie about my blog post writing refusal, she also lied about not having a story out of the Derby. I have three initial comments:

1. All men look better in suits and bow ties. All of them. (This excludes the gentleman who had on a seersucker suit, no shirt, and a bow tie.) But really, I feel that my Hinge experience would be going a little better if they were all in Derby attire...

2. This year there were limited cat calls. This could mean one of two things: I'm now too old to be cat called at or there was an increase in civilized behavior this year. Either way, I'll take it!

3. We sat next to the most lovely boy. :) I would say that we are now friends except for the fact that I don't know his name. I'm not trying to get all "once upon a time in China" on you, but it was refreshing to have a two day long conversation with a stranger that didn't make me feel icky and annoyed. Our conversations were wonderful, he rooted for my horses, and he gave me a hug when we parted ways. Well done, kind, competent, rescue-dog-owning, suit-wearing, world-traveling sweet little muffin from West Virginia!

So, regarding Heather's blog post above, I've had a few different reactions. First of all, I think Heather should go to the police. I'm not saying that they should arrest Mr. Lamont but...no...actually, they should. I officially call for immediate arrest and castration. Problem solved.

 But seriously, arrest and castration.

Alright fine, just castration. It doesn't have to go on his official record card just yet. I'm a lenient gal...but really, I take this seriously, I want Heather to take it seriously, and for crying out loud, I want the police to take it seriously! This kind of behavior can not and should not be ignored!

And let the record reflect, I'm never joining match.com. Them be cray.

Hugs and frogs,

Heather and Holly