Is this real life?

Heather here. Hi everyone.....Will one of y'all yell at Holly for not writing a blog update? I know you want to hear from her, and frankly, she's too good at telling me "No."

Anyway, I'm sure many of you saw that Holly and I went to the Kentucky Derby. If you've wondered "I wonder if they will have a cute blog story from the derby!?", my short answer is "nope." However, if you wondered "Did Lamont (the guy who called Heather racist) message Heather while she was at the Derby from a different match.com account and ultimately, make the same accustations as he did before?" The answer is "YEP." If you wondered, "Did Lamont make threatening statements, which resulted in Heather reporting his account? and "Did a match.com representative respond to Heather encouraging her to notify local police about the conversation?", my answer is "YEP." and also "................have you been reading my e-mails?"

Here's where it started:

The first message wasn't bad. If I had only received that message, hadn't received his nasty messages from a few posts ago (go read it if you haven't already....), and didn't receive the messages that followed the first, I might have responded. I was at the Derby when I received the first message, so, really, it would have taken me a while to get back on that message, too. However, I knew who he was and knew I didn't want to respond. Why would I ride that rollercoaster again? I opted not to respond.

And then I got that second message....and honestly thought, "Is this real life?" Again, my game plan was "Just let it go......just don't respond..it'll click and he'll realize your conversation from last month...."

THEN, I got the third message. At that point, I thought "How can he not realize we spoke before? How can he not remember that he made the same accusatory comments to a blonde with a pit bull?" ...And then I wondered about his sanity...and then I wondered if I was being punked by a friend....and then I responded.

After I sent this, it probably only took about 90 seconds before Lamont wrote back. I would love to say he apologized and we agreed amicably not to correspond anymore. Alas, that's not what happened.

Look guys, I get it. Lamont is angry and hurt. Not only is Lamont upset about being rejected, he's upset about a lifetime of prejudice. I recognize and acknowledge the prejudice he has experienced, I don't know what it's like, because I'm not Lamont. However, I recognize it and can be sensitive to it. I'm incredibly privileged and haven't dealt with the pain of years of systematic and personal oppression like Lamont may have. Anyway, angry people are likely to hurt people...physically or emotionally. I get it. However, it's not a fun game to play when you're on the receiving end. I maintain that my disinterest in Lamont does not have anything to do with race, but, I see how he could feel that way.

In hindsight, I probably should have just left out my second response. I knew it wouldn't make a difference and knew he wouldn't accept it. As soon as I sent my response, I went back to the app to try and figure out how to block and/or report someone. That process took me roughly 3-4 minutes, which was enough time to receive the final 3 replies from Lamont.

Understandably, I felt (and still feel) threatened by Lamont's comments. I don't know what Maryland Heights has to do with anything or why he threw that in there. (For you out of towners, Maryland Heights is an area in St. Louis...) Maybe Lamont assumed I live there? Anyway..I don't live there...and I'm not in the area often, which, is a comfort I guess......Also...I think it's funny that Lamont couldn't remember my face or profile enough to realize he had messaged me from another account, BUT, he thinks he "remember(s) faces very well." If his facial recognition is as good as I think it is, I wonder how often he reintroduces himself to himself in the mirror. (zing.)

When reporting someone on match.com, there's a blank line for you to fill in why you're reporting them. In this situation, I was brief. I wrote something along the lines of "Lamont has sent me accusatory and now threatening messages from two accounts."

Kudos to match.com on their response. I sent the report the evening of 5/4. The following morning, I received a response around 9 am. from match.com customer support. Basically, the response was sympathetic (which was validating) and firm. The responder suggested that I contact local authorities immediately. The rep also mentioned that we could get in touch with their legal department, and could get a subpoena for more information if necessary. The e-mail also said that due to confidentiality, they couldn't tell me what action was taken, but "please be assured that the appropriate action has been taken on this account."

I haven't gone to the police. It doesn't seem necessary for me now. If I hear from him again, sure, I'll go chat with a cop about feeling threatened by a guy from match.com. Sounds like a great time. I'll send you all an e-vite.

Side note: I went to the police a few years ago when a guy I knew in Oklahoma tracked down my home address in St. Louis and started sending me letters/flowers. I asked him to stop, but then realized he had made comments online about coming to St. Louis to "get (me)". Since I knew he had my address, I was concerned. It was a weird, scary, and humiliating process, especially when I went to the police feeling very insecure. From the police, I basically got a "Well....here's a pamphlet on how to walk in the neighborhood safely...Maybe get some pepper spray?" Also, this was around a month after I had kinda escaped a car jacker who had kidnapped a woman. (It's less dramatic than that sounds..) I just mean that I wasn't feeling very safe or secure in general....I don't know what I was expecting the cops to do when I went there. I guess I thought they would at least make a note in their system about my concern? I don't know.

Anyway. Dating is obviously going swimmingly. It's a ton of fun and man, why would anyone want to skip this for married life? 

A note from Holly:

Don't yell at me. I can't take it. If Heather makes it sound like she is kindly and angelically asking me to write blog posts and that I am maliciously denying her request, she's wrong. Typically the comments are "Well, I guess you're done with the blog." and "What are you doing? You should be writing a blog..." Uh huh, see that sassy snark?

But really, I haven't been writing a blog because I'm busy! It's the end of the semester and a few things at work are proving very time consuming and I got a promotion (yaay!) but I just haven't had much time! My deepest and sincerest apologies, oh perfect Heather!

In addition to Heather's lie about my blog post writing refusal, she also lied about not having a story out of the Derby. I have three initial comments:

1. All men look better in suits and bow ties. All of them. (This excludes the gentleman who had on a seersucker suit, no shirt, and a bow tie.) But really, I feel that my Hinge experience would be going a little better if they were all in Derby attire...

2. This year there were limited cat calls. This could mean one of two things: I'm now too old to be cat called at or there was an increase in civilized behavior this year. Either way, I'll take it!

3. We sat next to the most lovely boy. :) I would say that we are now friends except for the fact that I don't know his name. I'm not trying to get all "once upon a time in China" on you, but it was refreshing to have a two day long conversation with a stranger that didn't make me feel icky and annoyed. Our conversations were wonderful, he rooted for my horses, and he gave me a hug when we parted ways. Well done, kind, competent, rescue-dog-owning, suit-wearing, world-traveling sweet little muffin from West Virginia!

So, regarding Heather's blog post above, I've had a few different reactions. First of all, I think Heather should go to the police. I'm not saying that they should arrest Mr. Lamont but...no...actually, they should. I officially call for immediate arrest and castration. Problem solved.

 But seriously, arrest and castration.

Alright fine, just castration. It doesn't have to go on his official record card just yet. I'm a lenient gal...but really, I take this seriously, I want Heather to take it seriously, and for crying out loud, I want the police to take it seriously! This kind of behavior can not and should not be ignored!

And let the record reflect, I'm never joining match.com. Them be cray.

Hugs and frogs,

Heather and Holly