I first read He's Just Not That Into You when I was 21. I was in a relationship with Ground Zero and frankly, read the book to provide "proof" that he wasn't treating me the way I thought I should be treated. I was really into picking fights for no good reason and this provided enough ammo for an ambush. Let's take a moment (a brief one) and feel sorry for Ground Zero. Okay, time's up.
Despite my interest in over-simplifying the book to meet my needs, I did walk away with one life-changing conclusion: I am the rule, not the exception.
The book elaborates on this concept but I encourage you to let that resonate. We are the rule, not the exception. We will not be the ones to change him. We will not be the one that he doesn't cheat on. We will not be the one that he will run to after he realizes he married the wrong girl. We will not be the one he calls for a second date after six months. We are the rule, not the exception.
I remember reading that and feeling downright indignant. I am the exception. I am exceptional. I am destined for great things and am not bound by the rules that govern the masses.
And then I thought about it. For years, I thought about it.
And I am now freer that I have ever been...because I am the rule, not the exception. I am no longer responsible for trying to fit a square peg into a round a hole. I am no longer losing sleep trying to change someone else. I am no longer living my life waiting for proof that I am exceptional and that someone will miss me, call me, want me...
It's like the song says, "I can't make you love me if you don't." It's really kind of beautiful, isn't it?
I had this thought while talking with a boy recently. My mind starting to wander and I began to over think my mannerisms, my words, my lipstick, just all of it. And then I took a deep breath and remembered that this isn't on me. This isn't something I can force, wish, cry, or manipulate into existence.
I am the rule, not the exception...and I'm going to relish it.
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Hi all,
Heather here.
Holly has had her portion of this post written for a long time, but I've been procrastinating because I haven't known what to add. I haven't read He's Just Not That Into You, and I thought the movie was borderline dumb. However, I can understand how the sentiment resonates with many singles, even regardless of generation.
Many of you know what Tinder is and know the reputation it has. (If you don't, the basic gist is that it's an app where you swipe right or left based on someone's picture and blurb. A swipe to the right indicates you're interested. A swipe left indicates you aren't. Tinder has the reputation for being a breeding ground for hook ups, though I passionately defend it's ability to attract quality people, too. I mean..I'M ON THERE. Am I right, or am I right?) While scrolling through Tinder, I often come across guys' profiles that clearly indicate they're either married or in a relationship. I think this happens because Tinder automatically links with your Facebook account and automatically uses your Facebook photos on your Tinder profile. After reading Holly's post, I thought about how sad it is that the girls on the other side of these photos think that they're the exception.
I don't want to assume that all the guys on Tinder have physically cheated on these girls, but they certainly aren't winning Monogamist Male Of The Year any time soon. I also do NOT want to blame the girls for these guys' actions. It is NOT their fault that these guys are looking elsewhere. They may have had warning signs about these guys' character and may be choosing to stay, but they are not responsible for their decisions. As a girl who has been the girlfriend in the profile picture of a guy who was consistently unfaithful, I feel very strongly about that.
I know you all love photos of people we encounter on this journey, and I love exposing lying, cheating, jackwads. So what better way to mesh that than by posting a few of these? (Note: Faces, names, and ages are all blacked out. Also, photographer credits on photos have also been blacked out, as I doubt any photographers want to take credit for this, but maybe I'm wrong...) (Extra note: if one of these photos belongs to you, or you are one of the individuals in these photos and want it taken down, just shoot us an e-mail. The tone in my response to your e-mail will depend on whether you're the lying, cheating, jackwad or the girl in the photo.)
I'll call this series "Wedded Bliss":
I'll call this series "Not only am I cheating on my wife, but also my child..":
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| (Note: the wedding ring in the photo with the dogs.) |
This one is titled "Ohhh the irony..":
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| The text on the sign she's holding says "Still Hitched" with hearts on it. |
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| An excerpt from his blurb: "But I was put here to live and love. So what if I don't do it like everybody else does." Another two of his photos were from the same couple photo shoot... |
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| The text in the photo is "As long as the river flows.." |
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| This one was clearly a *newly engaged* photo, given the girls' pose to show off the ring..... |
And I'll end on this one titled "Sometimes the lying, cheating jackwad gets caught..": (I had to blow up this photo so that you could read the blurb below his name yourselves..)
Also, I feel like it's worth mentioning that I also came across the Tinder profile of a guy I went to highschool with. I wouldn't call him a friend, but more of an acquaintance. Because I am FB friends with this guy, I know that he is ENGAGED. It's one thing to come across these profiles and find strangers that are being unfaithful, but it's another when it's someone you know...He isn't pictured, but I came thhhiiiiisssss close to posting it....(Holly here. For reals. She wants blood and/or justice on this one).
It's humbling and disgusting to know that my profile is one of the profiles that guys like this go through when they're scrolling through Tinder. I feel somewhat guilty knowing that I'm part of a system that can be so hurtful to girls on the other end of the photos..girls that think they're the exception, not the rule. I've been there..
Hugs and frogs,
Holly & Heather
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