Alllllllllll aboard!

A note from Holly:

Well, life has gotten the better of Heather and I and while we've been having plenty of adventures, we've been pretty silent on the dating blog front. Part of that is intentional, part of that is quite simply a reflection of the lack of organization in my life.

I know that during our last post I left you all with a little bit of a cliff hanger: I had a date. Truth be told, I had three...with the same boy...To most of you, this will seem like nothing. However, this broke a six year dry spell for me so it's a pretty big milestone as far as I'm concerned.

Before I dive into the details of said date(s), you should know that the first one got off to a rocky start. I had a really weird day going into it. Like, really weird. I won't go into details now (I'll save them for a rainy day blog post entitled "A first-hand look at sexism in the workplace" and "How to respond to Uber drivers who say you look like sunshine and keep texting you after you get out of the car." They'll be swell posts.)

Now I want to give the caveat that this is not an average Tuesday for me. However, it rattled me and going into my date, I walked in with a HUGE chip on my shoulder...

So, the boy...let's call him J.D. (this seems appropriate as he is currently in law school) initially messaged me on Christian Mingle. We exchanged messages for about a week before he asked me to coffee. It then took us another week to find a time to meet so we actually wound up messaging one another for about two weeks prior to meeting. We messaged about a lot of things...about God and previous relationships and our mutual love of coffee but really, I think this may have made me go into the first date at an awkward place. I felt like I knew quite a bit about a boy I'd never really met and that's just a weird feeling. We went to coffee at one of my favorite coffee places, Ebenezers Coffeehouse, and my Uber driver actually drove me around the block first so I could get a look at him. Unnecessary? Sure. Would I do it again? Absolutely.

My text to Heth mid-date. (Don't judge me.
I'm really self-conscious about my nose
and want my kids to get a different one.)

I obviously won't provide a play by play but J.D. seemed legit. So legit, that I'm not sure if I began to intentionally self sabotage to test him or to try to remove him from my list of prospects quickly. Either way, I came at him guns-a-blazing. Over the span of the evening (we were there for three hours) I told him I a) hated Christian Mingle and thought I had a stalker (see photo evidence below); b) that I didn't really want a boyfriend and that I was only dating because I had committed to blogging about frogs with my sister as a distraction so that when I adopted a Chinese baby to raise it by myself, which is what I really wanted to do, nobody could tell me I hadn't tried to get married; and c) that I hadn't been on a date in six years. He countered each of these seemingly unphased. He listened to my story about the church stalker and provided advice (he actually sent a screenshot of big nose glasses the following day and suggested I try that out), he told me he thought it was cool that I wanted to adopt and talked about members of his family who have adopted, and when I said this was my first date in six years, he just calmly asked why I hadn't been interested in dating before.

Listen boy, I'm throwing all my crazy at you. Run. Scream. Go the bathroom and never come back. Have your best friend call you and act like there's an emergency. Cry. Do something other than offer to drive me home so I wouldn't have to take the metro or pay for an Uber...but that's what he did. And then he asked if we could have dinner the following week.

Color me shocked.

So, we had our second date the following week. He picked me up at my house, opened the car door, made reservations at a place his friends had recommend, and then we walked around Old Town Alexandria. He was wonderful and offered to let me shop if I wanted (he said he wouldn't mind) but we just did some window shopping where he shared that he wants his house to someday consist of Restoration Hardware furniture and he supports my love of stationary. It was lovely. He dropped me off, we both said we had a great time, and he said I should let him know if I wanted to get together again.

Things got weird after this. I won't bore you by writing it all out but essentially, the communication we had been having consistently, took a weird turn. I began to over analyze everything because I'm a girl, and as discussed above, a seemingly crazy one, so friends and co-workers got involved and the whole thing got to be a muddled mess. Since he didn't set up the next date, I thought he wanted me to make the next move, but then I thought that was forward and then friends thought that it was and that it wasn't and ultimately we got a third date on the calendar but I felt really anxious about it. So anxious in fact that I texted him the night before and asked if he WANTED to go on the date. He said "Of course!" I said I just wanted him to know that if he didn't want to, that was totally fine and we didn't have to go. He insisted that he wanted to go and so, the next night, we went to Hill Country Barbeque (with all the confusion and dissecting of every single word he said and input from girls and guys and couples and singles and everyone and their dog, we had all concluded that I was supposed to plan this one, hence, the trip to Hill Country). However, the whole thing was weird. I asked him if he thought there was anything I should know about him that I didn't, as I was prepared to offer up a few things, like the fact that I don't drink, but he said he didn't know of anything and he kept apologizing for not having anything to talk about....so....I panicked. I panicked and I told him that I knew his last name because I had googled him and then I asked him what his views were on gay marriage.

Sigh. Oh, people. Ugh.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I then proceeded to ask him MULTIPLE questions about his ex-girlfriend on our way home.

It was like being the conductor of a crashing train.

We came back to my house, he walked me to door, we both said we had a great time, and we never spoke again.

Sigh again.

I know I've shared in previous posts that I don't think I want this. I'm also no longer comfortable with the idea of wasting my time. I think both of these sentiments factored in to my behavior and ultimately the lack of success between J.D. and I. However, while some of my conversations may seem horrific, I stand by the fact that the core of these conversations stem from things that are important to me so I'm not entirely sorry that they came up. Additionally, J.D. and I didn't seem to have much physical chemistry...and despite any crazy talk, I'm still going to need him to want to hold my hand.

Overall, the whole thing made me feel even less put together than when I was 16...and people, my dating choices at 16 were a hot mess. However, J.D. was perfect on paper and in action. He opened doors, he made decisions (none of this "where do you want to eat, at what time do you want to eat, are you sure want to eat there, are you positive that time works for you, do you want to drive, run, walk, metro, Uber, or race there" kind of nonsense), he wasn't pushy or insincere and I have no doubt that J.D. will be a wonderful match for someone. I wish him all the best out there.

To finalize my little update, here are the deets on that stalker:

He sent this first message after I had ignored MULTIPLE messages, chat attempts, and "smiles" from this guy. I had looked at his profile and for a number of reasons decided I wasn't interested but anthony77k here felt it necessary to not lose faith in talking to me. This infuriated me; it still does really. I have the right to decide not to talk to you. Harassing me by sending multiple messages across multiple channels does not increase the likelihood of me responding to one or that you will suddenly grow in favor with me. In fact, quite the opposite will happen as I interpret this kind of behavior as being chauvinistic, inconsiderate and desperate. I find none of those qualities to be desirable.

I actually sent this screen shot to Heather and we had a conversation discussing just how creepy and pushy this message was. However, things took a turn for the worse when I got this next message that next Sunday.

This one creeped me out so much more than I can express because it means that while I was in the middle of worshiping he was either logging into Christian Mingle to look at my pictures to see if it was me, he had already looked my pictures enough times to recognize me on the spot OR he had actually discovered where I lived and had followed me to church.

After I got this, I briefly considered going to another church, or at least another service. However, I'm not a pushover and I truly welcome any opportunity to personally tell this individual, who I would not recognize on the spot, exactly how alarming and offensive I find his actions to be. Should he not respond well to that, I have zero problems in calling the po-po, yo!

I never responded to this message and I blocked him.

Ten kinds of creepy.

A note from Heather:

Hi, folks. I commend Holly for a) putting herself out there and b) describing herself as the conductor of a crashing train. I'm going to stop you all from thinking to yourselves about how cringe-worthy those interactions with J.D. and how Holly must be clueless and helpless. She isn't clueless; she knows it was cringe-worthy. Back off.

I should also address that the response I got from the last post was part awesome and part not awesome. It was cathartic and relieving, but also a level of vulnerability I don't intend to make it a habit of dabbling in. I'm surprised by how many people who I thought were close to me that expressed shock about those feelings of mine. I've taken it as a testament to my "closed-book" personality, rather than reading more into it.

I've had a few dates here and there, which we can save for another post. At the moment though, I'm still single and only committed to the partially-eaten brownie sitting in front of me.

Hugs and frogs,
Holly & Heather