We can each take a
stab below at explaining how and why we arrived at this decision but I’d like
to go over the ground rules we’ve established before donning camo and grabbing
a net to catch us some frogs, y’all!
1. We’re keeping our options open. When discussing how
we wanted to “date,” it became clear that at this point in our lives, online
dating had to be placed in the mix. While it may not have as much appeal as “traditional”
dating, the truth of the matter is that we are no longer on college campuses
with our peers. We’re at work, with married people, and baby interns, and in
large cities where the fact that your kindergarten teacher’s son is single does
you absolutely no good. As such, we’re going to try different platforms
(Heather – match.com and tinder?/something else; Holly – christianmingle and howaboutwe) with
the full expectation that we may cancel subscriptions/start new ones if these
options turn out not to be our best. In addition to online dating, Heather and
I are also opening up to blind dates set by friends/colleagues and will
continue to involve ourselves in our communities through service opportunities,
church, and friend groups.
2. All names will be changed. Really, I don’t think
Heth and I have a great idea about what we’ll actually blog about. I feel we
can’t know that until we see what happens. However, because friends may be
involved in this process, we will be changing the names of all individuals we
date. (I vow to make them fun, i.e., Pierre, Romeo, Juan Pablo…actually…wait…no
Juan Pablo…, anyway, put pressure on Heather to do the same.) I fully
acknowledge that this could get awkward because we could be friends with some
of these people but, well, what’s life without a little awkward?! Unbloggable.
That’s what.
3. A year is a year. While unlikely, Heather and I
discussed how we would proceed if we found dateable boys instantly. What do you
blog about if you find a guy you’re really interested in and therefore don’t
want to pursue other men? Well, we decided that if that happens, we’ll just
blog about each and every date, fight, parental meeting, etc. While perhaps
less comical, this also allows us to fulfill our commitment and remain bloggers
until March 1, 2016.
So, you may be wondering why on earth we’ve decided to blog
about this/make this process so painfully public. Really, Heather and I want to
remember this time in our lives. We want to capture this adventure and embrace
it with the same gusto with which we earned our Master’s degrees, moved to
different cities/countries, switched jobs and adopted fur babies. Therefore, it
requires documentation. Our hope is that one day, when we’re 70 and have a
lived a life so large that Odysseus himself has nothing on us, we can look back
on this blog and smile about the adventures we had!
We thank you, our friends and families, for joining us on
this adventure. We hope you share our ups and downs and are so blessed by your
involvement in all the ridiculous plans we make. We love you!
-Holly and Heather
A note from Holly:
This makes me want to bash my head into something solid. Repeatedly.
The irony here is that I’m pretty sure this whole horrible idea was my own!
Actually, no, I blame Liz Petrun, Heather, and Kate Holmes. There. It’s out
there and I’m not taking it back. Based on conversations with you all where you
emphasized my desire to have that coveted “girl who loves life” vibe, I have
agreed to do this. Should this fail, I blame you entirely. Should this work, I
still blame you…but I’ll invite you to my wedding.
Quite seriously, I have nearly backed out of this multiple
times. After Heather and I discussed wading into this shark infested pool
together, there were so many concerns that caused me to frantically call
Heather in an effort to redact my initial enthusiasm. This is just all so…complicated…and
my life right now is gloriously and magnificently complication free! I ENJOY MY
LIFE!!!!! Why change it?!?
Sometimes I think I have an answer to that. I think that it
should change so that you move to another phase, you marry someone that you
love so much it hurts. He is your better half and he cares for you and supports
you and you do the same. Someday you have his babies and you make them cupcakes
and you teach them how to do cartwheels and you take them to t-ball and it’s
all you ever wanted. How magical would that be?
But then, I come to the CONCRETE assurance that I do not, in
fact, want that. I enjoy sleeping in on the weekends. I relish my independence –
I don’t have to answer to anyone at any time for anything. My money is my own.
My time is my own. I don’t shave my legs unless I want to, I eat Nutella for
dinner more times than I care to admit and morning breath is never a problem.
See how much better that sounds? Why change that?!
Furthermore, when it comes to having children, that doesn’t really
require a husband. I won’t deny the fact that I’m sure four hands to change
diapers are better than two but the fact remains: I don’t need him. I can buy
sperm, buy a baby, or even buy both, all without a man ever even getting my
home address.
Really, I think that’s what it boils down to. I know that
for me to really want Option A, it should feel like I need him in my life…it’s
just that right now, I don’t want to need anybody. And that’s where I’m at
going into this. Bring on the dates?
Also, I’d like to take a moment to address the following:
1. This is not the result of unmerited and unwelcome
harassment. Seriously, for those of you (don’t make me name you) who
CONTINUALLY ask me “well ain’t it about time you had some babies?” and “are you
even putting yourself out there?” you are still not welcome to participate in
my life. Your comments about how I live MY life are still inappropriate and
were not the deciding reason for this adventure. I need you to know this
because should this year end with me in the same place, still choosing Nutella
over a man, then I will be prepared to point this out and promptly end all ties
with you. #aintnobodygotimeforthat
2. I will not apologize. Since I’ve had some time to
think this through, I realize that part of my resistance to dating is the
acknowledgement of that awkward DTR or breakup talk. Therefore, I’m just not
doing it. If I don’t want to date someone, I won’t. If it’s not going to work,
I’m going to say that it’s not going to work. I will not apologize for that or
try to console any hurt egos. Maybe God just doesn’t want us together. Maybe
you smell funny and are an insulting jerk. Either way, not my problem. #sorryimnotsorry
3. I’m a little rusty. I know that some of my friends
who may be reading this have known me at very different times in my life. I am
beyond blessed that at each new chapter in my life, I have been surrounded and
loved by spectacular people! However, this means that some of you may not know
where I’m at when it comes to dating. So, to clear the air, and make it public
in the hopes that I can now shake it off, the truth of the matter is that I
have not been on a date in five and a half years. For many years before that,
all dates were with one boy. So, any helpful advice is welcome as are
overwhelming expressions of sympathy. #imsonervous
(Disclaimer: I went on a date with a sweet guy while living in China.
He was wonderful and polite and kind. I just didn’t know it was a date at the
time and we went out two days before I moved back to America. It seemed easier
to make the above calculation excluding this occurrence.)
In sum, I don’t know why I’m doing this, I’m pretty sure I
don’t even want this, I still don’t like people who judge me for my
singleness/lack of children, I will not apologize and some of my friends have
gotten married and had multiple children in the time it’s taken someone to ask
me out.
I’ll leave it at that.
-Holly
A note from Heather:
I think I'm coming at this little project from a different place than Holly. For me, I've dated somewhat consistently for the past several years. It's often short lived, as I'm quick to make up my mind about why I can't tolerate the guy..I (like Holly) won't apologize for that in the past or in the future. I have no intentions of settling and never have. I know what I want and there's no sense in wasting anyone's time on something other than what I want.
I think (and I've been told) that I have some pretty hysterical dating stories. If Holly and I are both committing to being open to dating for at least a year, I KNOW more funny stories are going to come out of this. Also, my hopes are that others in similar boats as us (the single young-ish adult boat) will identify with some of what we're saying. While I live an incredibly fulfilled life, it can feel very isolating when your friends are all marrying off and having kids. I hope others can find humor in my stories, as well as some strength and encouragement in knowing that others are in the same boat. For me, dating isn't glamorous. It isn't easy. The fireworks/butterflies aren't always instant, though we're led to believe it is. I'm going to be transparent about this, and I hope someone out there will be encouraged by reading about another person who finds dating to be messy and hazardous.
Some of you might be thinking "why would anyone care about Hol/Heth's dating life?" You're allowed to question that because, honestly, so do I. However, you're also allowed to keep your negative, discouraging, and self-righteous thoughts to yourself; just go away and don't read the posts.
-Heather
I think I'm coming at this little project from a different place than Holly. For me, I've dated somewhat consistently for the past several years. It's often short lived, as I'm quick to make up my mind about why I can't tolerate the guy..I (like Holly) won't apologize for that in the past or in the future. I have no intentions of settling and never have. I know what I want and there's no sense in wasting anyone's time on something other than what I want.
I think (and I've been told) that I have some pretty hysterical dating stories. If Holly and I are both committing to being open to dating for at least a year, I KNOW more funny stories are going to come out of this. Also, my hopes are that others in similar boats as us (the single young-ish adult boat) will identify with some of what we're saying. While I live an incredibly fulfilled life, it can feel very isolating when your friends are all marrying off and having kids. I hope others can find humor in my stories, as well as some strength and encouragement in knowing that others are in the same boat. For me, dating isn't glamorous. It isn't easy. The fireworks/butterflies aren't always instant, though we're led to believe it is. I'm going to be transparent about this, and I hope someone out there will be encouraged by reading about another person who finds dating to be messy and hazardous.
Some of you might be thinking "why would anyone care about Hol/Heth's dating life?" You're allowed to question that because, honestly, so do I. However, you're also allowed to keep your negative, discouraging, and self-righteous thoughts to yourself; just go away and don't read the posts.
-Heather
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